But fulfilling the wrong ones (also known as easy ones) can lead you astray, taking you off the course of fluidity and least resistance. For example, if you get woken up at 4:30am by someone being loud and insincere, it’s so easy to yell at the person who woke you. Why? The person expects you to. For some reason it’s been engrained in your mind that if you get woken up early, you have the right to be mad.
But are you really upset? Is it the end of the world? Did anyone die? Was it a life altering event? Could it have been worse? Maybe the person was in a rush to get to work on time? Maybe something woke them up early so they were aggravated?
Instead of listing more examples, discover your own. For one day, write down all the problems you have with people throughout the day. After you write them or at the end of the day, reflect on the experience and cross it off IF after you think about it, it really didn’t make you upset, but it was only how society expected you to feel. You will find that most of the problems will get crossed off.
If people expect us to act a certain way (typically negative types of feelings: sad, angry, upset, stressed, frustrated, injured), were going to feel that way and fulfill their expectations. Sure because it’s easy but also because you unintentionally don’t want to let other people experience the dissatisfaction of being wrong in expecting you to act a certain way.
Why?
It seems silly but the reason for it is that you feel that since they assumed you’re going to react a certain way- that they are prepared for it, that they deserve it, that everything is set in motion for you to react by fulfilling the expectation. (Status-quo is hard to break!)
The last attribute to fulfilling expectations is instinct. With instinct every person will act selfishly. When you do the experiment above and take that moment to write down the problem and reflect, you will see that you may be putting more trouble and stress on the other person than what troubled you to begin with.
It is damn hard to live in Zen and to prevent yourself from fulfilling the expectations of negative reactions. It’s difficult to remain relaxed, stay centered, and to be focused on the “why” of your reaction.
Stay Positive & It Doesn’t Do Good To Either Party When You Fulfill An Expectation Of A Negative Reaction
TaoSports for Extraordinary Performance in Athletics, Business, and Life is the one sport that if you were to become a professional in, you should pick. Although, I would add or change the word extraordinary because the lessons taught and experiences shared in this book are the ordinary techniques that are used by the extraordinary. The way I am going to regurgitate this book to you is by first sharing everything that I actually wrote down while I was reading it. These items are the most important parts of the book that sparked the brightest ideas and concepts in my brain. Then I am going to list the chapters in the book to let you know of all the different lessons that you can learn and improve on. The reason for this process is that the book can be picked up and started from anywhere you choose: the beginning, the end, or a random page. My advice for you is not to go and purchase the book, but to go and flip it open to a chapter that you think you want to improve in your life, read it and see if you want to read the other chapters. Lastly, I will share some of my favorite affirmations that were shared in the book that hopefully you can use.
Garth’s Dancing Mind
Why fight your way to the top, when you can rise to it? There is no such thing as a victory in an uphill battle; there is only a plateau and it’s never at the top.
Having a winning attitude is a defiance to the expectation of feeling the thrill of victory and agony of defeat. Both of which are detrimental to any possibility of being successful in the future. To have a winning attitude is to break down the process to moments. Thinking and feeling that you have won each moment. Success is relative to the quality of the process. There is more than one finish line in a 5k race, there are actually 6,200 finish lines. Every step is a victory and should be viewed as one.
What Not To Be –
Struggling for external recognition
Measuring self-worth on outcomes
Focusing on perfection
Establishing unrealistic expectations
Blaming others
Condemning yourself for mistakes and failure
“You don’t dance to get to the other side of the floor” – Alan Watts
There are three visualization processes that I have taken from the book (which probably has 30+ in it). The first is a visualization of your sanctuary that you can retreat to based off a trigger (mines putting my index finger and thumb together to create a circle). You get to create your own place of ritual and relaxation. My place was based off a picture of a monk sweeping in front of his hut that was cuddling the base of a mountain, the monk is my guide, as you will read more about when you open the book. The second visualization process was to imagine a steady beam of sunlight coming down on top of you, entering your head and circulating it’s power throughout your body, delivering energy, healing powers and enlightenment.
The third visualization example was actually the first in the book which goes like this:
“For example, close your eyes right now and imagine a juicy, sour lemon. In your mind, cut a big wedge from the lemon and place it in your mouth. Bite down, and let the sour juices permeate your entire mouth. Did you find yourself puckering or salivating?”
It simply goes to show how powerful visualization can be. With consistent practice, you can have the same trigger affect to visualizing winning a race, visualizing closing a deal or whatever will help you succeed.
While visualizations are confirmations for your mind, affirmations are confirmations to your heart. “Affirmations are not self deception, they’re self direction.” At the bottom of this post, I will list my absolute favorite affirmations from the book. It is loaded with them! You can also create a list of perfect affirmations for yourself by turning your favorite quotes into affirmations.
At every moment remember: Be positive, Be present, Be concise, Be rhythmic.
Adaptation is the hallmark of champions.
Remember to pace yourself. Progress is two steps forward, one step backward.
To trump fatigue, you can either focus on one aspect of the process or at the end result, ignore all else and let the fatigue bypass you.
Concentrate on what you have control over.
What you believe you become.
Handling a negative event in a positive way is an experience that can become a touchstone for future encounters.
Fear: is a natural part of life. It can either paralyze you or give you an opportunity to assess the risk your facing and prepare for it properly. Fear can also make you respect your comfort zone.
When in a slump, go with the flow because you will slingshot back.
5 Stages of Injury: – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. (When you read this section under the chapter titled Injuries, you will agree at first, but then you will disagree because when you finally realize the process you take, you are able to shorten and change it.)
Challenge: Find the book at the bookstore and read the beginning of the chapter on page 76. (Half a page) By far the most “Woa” moment in the entire book.
One of the most important excerpts I took from the book is that you, me, we – are never as great as our greatest victory or as bad as our worst defeat. We are above it all, we are apart from it because we have a winning attitude.
Reevaluate life while in downtime. Just because your body may be down, does not mean you can allow your mind to go down with it. You need to focus on what made you lose balance, what you are going to do to achieve balance again and what you will do to prevent from ever entering downtime again. Oh, and remember, laughter is by far the best medicine to get out of downtime, I suggest George Carlin.
Committed to truth no consistency – Buddha
“According to Mark, when you become totally engrossed in your sport, you over-analyze everything.” Contributing to the saying that analysis is paralysis. Ironically, I had just written a blog post about this called The One Quality You Need To Be A Successful Expert
I will top of my Dancing Mind with something I loved most about TBDM. At the beginning of each section, and sometimes within, a chapter of the Tao Te Ching is shared. The characters associated with it were so aesthetic that it made me want to study them. The reason being that the greatness of them is that they are meant to make you visualize and feel their meaning when you meditate on them. The Tao Te Ching inserts reminded me of a post I wrote a long time ago on a particular chapter:An Accord With Greatness
Tao Te Ching no.1
Thus, without expectation,
One will always perceive the subtlety.
And, with expectation,
One will always perceive the boundary.
TMDB Chapters – If you think a topic is appealing, pick up the book and just read the chapter
The one piece of advice that most people give about starting a blog is to find your niche and then start writing all the content you can about it.
Find Your Niche
Write To Find Your Niche
What remains unseen in some of the most popular blogs that are written on a specific subject is the first or second post that was ever written on that blog. If you go to the back of Shel Israel’s posts you will find that before he began zoning in on his passion (Social Media), he had a blog where he covered everything that entered his mind. He started by writing on every idea that went through his brain and put it on his first blog, RedCouch before he truly discovered his niche and created his current website.
This is nearly everywhere, you just don’t see it because it is rare that you go to the last page of any blog. Many”famous” bloggers such as Shel or Tim, keep their old blogs because it was their journey to finding their passion. It may be for you too. Then again, other well-known blogs choose to delete their old scribblings because they only want to be known for their niche content and respected for their passion, not the oddball ideas that got them there.
To be more direct, don’t wait to start a blog. Forget the advice to find your niche before you start writing. Just write… write on every idea you sort-of-kinda feel is worthy because that is how you will discover your passion.
You know what happens to people who wait to find their niche before they start writing a blog?
If there isn’t a problem your business will solve, than it will be the problem and be dissolved. Elaborate on paper what your product/service is meant to help, improve or assist. The more important attribute to the question is understanding that you need to solve what is causing the problem, not just solve the problem. While many will make money by solving a problem, companies can make even more by preventing the problem because they will always need to be kept stable in order to keep the problem from occurring. If you are only trying to solve the problems as they arrive, you will go extinct when the source of the problem does.
2. Is the problem ready to be solved?
For years the advancements made in technology were held back because the human race wasn’t capable of making that big of a jump. Is it too early for your business? Are people searching for answers to their problem, or did you find the answer before they want it? For example, in a classroom setting, a teacher can teach a 4th grader trigonometry, but they don’t need it for another seven years. Evaluate your niche audience to ensure that the size reaches the tipping point in which they want their problem to be solved.
3. How is your solution unique?
Despite the emphasis on making businesses which offer unique ways to solve problems, the world of entrepreneurs are still falling short on making their signature solution. Being different from any other competitor or being a new problem solver is not acceptable. How are you taking it further and creating something full of passion and character that is still different from other options. Don’t just be different, be better.
4. How will your solution be profitable?
Every business seeks profit. Although, different business creators have different definitions for “profit”. Define your profit, whether it is simply customer satisfaction, personal achievement, monetary amounts or something entirely different. Develope insight into how your “profit” will continue to grow and what will need to be done in order to meet the goals you set.
5. How will your solution be sustainable?
People spend countless amounts of dollars to maintain their hobbies. The same is done with people and their business’s. Coincidentally, it is the group of hobbyists and entrepreneurs who create a hobby or business that becomes self sustaining which introduces the largest of profits and becomes subject to the longest life span. What are you going to do to implement longevity into your business? (If creating a business selling crystal balls, you can skip this step)
An alarm, if unique enough, can wake up any person every single day. But very few alarms are capable of that. After using the same alarm over and over the person will begin sleeping through it. The alarms that work wake a person instantly causing them to be mentally alert. The first thought they have is why the alarm went off.
This is your best window of opportunity as a Marker to communicate to your client. The content you deliver will be the decision maker whether the alarm get’s snoozed or even worse, unplugged. Look at it this way, if you knew that you were going to Paris tomorrow, you’re not going to hit the snooze button because you are too far excited. As a Marketer, your product or service you signify has to have the same effect.
Now, it is not so much what you have to give, it is what your prospects get to do, get to have, and get to feel. Those three variables are what your alarm has to communicate. They don’t care what you are offering, they care about the by-products they receive in addition to their package. The only people who I know that wake up simply to get what people have to give are ebayers, and what you are offering better not be applicable to ebay. If you don’t have a good enough reason for waking them up, it’s back to sleep for the prospect and back where you started for you.
Alarms are risky, but if you don’t take the risk of the prospect hitting the snooze button then you don’t “risk” them not hitting it either. This generation is all about quickness, impulse, convenience and accessibility. That means the alarm needs to be instant, jolting, and precise. There is no time for a 2 minute elevator speech or a half-page bio of your service/product. If you can’t pass the alarm test and gain enough interest for them to wake up and act, change the ringer.
If you can’t connect with your prospect even with a change of alarm then use a back up plan and issue an alarm with the first thing most people do in your niche audience. Is the first thing they do after waking up is check their email? Do they go to Starbucks? Do they read a specific blog or online content in the morning? Get in those places and insert the alarm. Be the first thing that makes their day full of excitement and worth it.
Alarm Marketing is a new outlook at the fast-paced lifestyle of the current and future prospects. It limits the time frame that advertising and PR needs to be invested and applies the 80/20 rule more so than is advised. It implies that you, as a Marketer, have about a 4 hour time bracket each day to be the answer of a prospects problem and be the reason why waking up was easy. It also incorporates the frequent change of tactics to keep prospects appealed and coming back.
Don’t Think The Prospects Alarm Is The Only One
You know what rhymes with the “ring” of an alarm, the “cha-ching” of money being handed over to you. As @ClemensRettich puts it “Biz needs to hear the ring of the cash register as an alarm: time to wake up and follow through”. The alarm of the “cash register” means your work has just begun. You have to follow-up and give even more than what was expected. Their purchase and investment is your alarm and there is no snooze button on it. Either you act immediately or you lose your prospects future business. Clemens continues to add that “Biz fall asleep after the cash register rings. Too bad, because retention and referrals are where the value is”. With that, I will add that you can’t run a successful business if you are solely based on getting new customers because you didn’t wake up to your alarm. Business advancement as well as monetary accumulation is the sole result of recurring, reliable and committed prospects.
Stay Positive & I Resisted All This Time But… “You Snooze, You Lose”
Doctors, fitness trainers, entrepreneurs, marketers, writers, you name it, they all have a similar problem when they become experts on their muse. The problem is that the more you know, the more exposed you are to the harms, negatives and possible downfalls of the topic. This happens as a result of learning all you can about your muse in combination with that fact that in order to be successful in any work place, you need to know as many failures as possible and how to solve them. I am going to give you a few examples of what happens when these muse workers don’t maintain this one quality they need and see if you can guess what the quality is.
A doctor begins seeing a small rash on his arm and diagnosis it as skin cancer.
A personal trainer assesses her leg soreness and comes to the conclusion that she has severe shin splints.
An entrepreneur knows the expected outcome of a plan so she doesn’t follow through.
The trend with these examples – and you can find the same trend in any expert field – is that they let their knowledge, fears and expectations combine to assume a terrible outcome. A regular person, having little knowledge about playing doctor just thinks they have a rash that will go away in a few days if they take care of it. It does. A person going to the gym for the first time and upon exiting, realizes that their legs are sore. They will shrug, call it a good workout and go ice them without the thought of any terrible condition. It never turns out to be. An entrepreneur upon his first time creating a business, follows through with the plan and the outcome turned out successful, against what other “experts” thought.
The fact is that as you gain knowledge about your muse, you gain power over the outcome and in order to have a positive outcome, you have to maintain a positive attitude. The one quality you need to be a successful expert is to Stay Positive (sound familiar?). You can’t let what you now know, limit yourself. The rules, the outcomes, the results are all based on your attitude.
I am all about designating a theme for each year. In 2010 it was “my” year, simple as that. 2011 was “our” year because during “my” year I found a girlfriend. In 2011, her and I traveled to Canada and took other road trips together and moved in together. Now 2012, we have made it the year of career advancement. I had started to truly pour my passion into my website, I also got another ghost writing job and a huge promotion at work (making almost twice as much as I made before the promotion). She will be getting a promotion at Starbucks and has recently gotten a personal training job at Anytime Fitness. And we are only four months into the year! If you are not one to write new years goals, or like so many others, have relinquished your 2012 goals from your mind, it’s not too late to declare this year yours!
If you can even remember where you put your new years resolutions, if you even wrote them down, toss’em. Many don’t really stuck to them anyway. Even me, as a big goal achiever, I sometimes stray away from some goals that I made at the beginning of the year. Maybe your goals have changed and some goals no longer seem reasonable to keep. Maybe you didn’t’ even make any. That’s okay, you don’t have to. This isn’t a post about making goals for this year, its bout taking the 12 tips I am going to give you to still make this “your” year. You don’t need determining goals to make it your year. While I had goals (over 250 currently), I never had specific goals that would make 2010 my year, or specific goals for 2011 or 2012, yet I accomplished so much and my life improved drastically. I learned that to live the life you want, you just have to evaluate how you live now and begin implementing the following 12 tips to make this “your” year.
1. Beginning now and at the start of each month for 30 days in a row, commit to doing something new that you have thought about doing, but have not done.
If you wait until the first of the next month or the first of the week or if you wait until you finish something else before you do something new, you will never get anything done.
I suggest reading Zig Ziglar’s affirmation sheet or make your own. Wake up each morning and create the habit of complimenting yourself and reminding yourself of all your strengths. What I have learned about doing this is that it is not necessarily the affirmations that changes your world (though they play a large part), it is the development of a habit. It is the feeling that “hey, I did it today.” It makes each day complete. It makes you feel like you can stick to your word. It creates the image of reliability and persistence. Anyone can say they are improving every day in every way, but very few have the skill and talent to do it everyday.
Pick a habit to develop each month, whatever you like, just pick and follow through.
2. Write emails/letters to three people in life to let them know what they mean to me.
Sure gratitude is great (we will get to that) but no type of gratitude is stronger than “thanks” being given to people who have touched your life. This may require you to think back and check who has affected your life. Try to find all the people who have and simply thank them; send them a friendly message or write a paragraph to them explaining your thanks. Since snail mail is nearly obsolete, I encourage you to either send emails or Facebook comments (not messages, you want other people to see how grateful you are and that the person your commenting on means a lot to you). You can even send a random txt message, just make sure you make it personal, meaningful and from your heart. Who knows, you may even get one back!
3. Start a business plan regardless if you have a business idea
It doesn’t matter what it is. Some ideas are dumb… think back to my post about my two business ideas. First, you never know. As you work on the business plan ideas might be created to improve your original concept or you may think of one entirely different. Either way, get in the habit of creating and making a plan to follow through. A small plan or a big plan, a plan is a plan. If you don’t have any business ideas, that doesn’t mean you get to skip this tip. Get creative and think of one, what product or service could you do or create to serve others and make people happy? By all means, have fun with this.
4. Schedule family time
I’m human. I’m guilty of not doing this, but when I do, my world changes: stress is relieved and the weights I carry feel lighter. Not only that, but when I talk to family members, I often talk about things that I normally wouldn’t have thought of. It takes you out of the moment and brings you to a place you can feel comfortable. As you know, making a year YOUR year really means you have to step out of your comfort zone and shake and move your brain. Always schedule family time to center yourself and make sure those who know you best see that you are on the right path. Tell those who matter most about your goals and aspirations because they will be able to hold you accountable and by saying it with confidence, you are one very large step closer to achieving your success. Warning: The trouble with family time is deciding what to listen to and what not to since they want to put all their evaluations on what you are doing. Some family members may not support your ideas and may talk you down. Take it as a challenge. Prove them wrong. Take what they say and find a way to prove them wrong. By doing so you are not only showing them you know what you are doing, but you are creating a way around any future skepticism.
5. Record what I say
Every day is a constant flow of information. You receive input and provide output constantly through reading, listening, speaking and thinking. Begin recording your thoughts and what you say to evaluate the language you are using. By doing so, you can find where you need to begin making improvements. Are you thinking negatively about work each day? Do you look into a mirror unable to see your beauty? Do you speak before you think to your friends and family? You need to start recording what you say and think and feel so that you have a better understanding of what effects you negatively and what you are negatively affecting. No improvements and changes can be made until you know what needs to be improved and changed.
After gaining a deeper insight into what you output, begin evaluating what is input through your daily routine. Are you reading the news (95% negative information) every morning or do you view blogs such as mine or others to keep learning new information on the topic of your interest? Do you surround yourself by negative people? Or worse, do you enable them? Pay close attention to what is taken in throughout the day and begin to set aside and walk past those things in which are detrimental to your daily positive attitude.
6. Find a mentor
I know how difficult it is to get a mentor that you really want. I understand the difficulty to capture the attention of great and widely known people and have them act as a mentor toward you. That does not mean you cannot connect with them and learn what they have to teach through the information they provide whether it is in books, blogs or audio presentations. Think of what you really want this year and begin following those who are most well known for teaching that. In doing so, you will discover under-noticed and under-deserving people who know just as much and are more willing to assist you. In essence, begin connecting with those that you have related interests with. It is also key to note that mentors come and go. Accept this transitional flow and keep seeking authoritative figures that you can learn from.
In addition, I need to add that becoming a mentor is far greater than having one. If you go out searching for friends, you will find very few. If you go out searching to be a friend, you will find a countless number of takers. As you learn from mentors and begin changing the information you digest each day, share it with others. Rather than complaining that Seth Godin won’t take you up as an apprentice (guilty), become like that idol and turn into a mentor for others who want the same as you.
7. Discover the 20% of work
You may know about an app for the Droid phone called “task killer” that kills processes that are running but are not being used and are depleting the energy (battery life) of the phone in order to maximize performance for what you are using. The first step to discovering the 20% of work is to kill the 80% of apps that are consuming your brain and your life but are not priorities. This also includes cutting out any of the negativity in your life. Begin un-friending people who complain and spam your social networking profiles. Begin cutting out the bad eating habits. Begin cutting out the people you meet each day that upon seeing them, bring you down. A person doesn’t need to be holding a thousand balloons to float, they only need to stop the gravity that is holding them down.
Once everything that is holding you back is let go, you don’t even have to search for the 20% of work, it finds you. Your thinking and focusing abilities will be 10x stronger which will produce 10x better results. You will be able to manage your time better to complete a task further than its potential in 20% of the time. By eliminating the 80% of “apps” holding you back from your potential, it will allow you to have 10x more success because you have discovered the 20% of energy needed to succeed in each task. In simple terms, devote yourself to something completely by getting rid of everything else that is not worthy of your attention and you will be able to create miracles.
8. Gratitude
Start a gratitude journal. It doesn’t matter if you write one thing in a book or you list things throughout the day on your phone or on sticky notes. Personally, I type 5 things I am grateful for in a notes app on my phone each night before sleep. By writing in a gratitude journal of everything you are thankful for, you are putting power in the present which sets the stage for the future. It keeps you consistently happy, gives you peace of mind and allows you to go to sleep with a smile on your face. There are absolutely zero negative side effects to being thankful.
But don’t stop there. Also aim to be the one other people are grateful for. How did you help someone today? How did you serve? Did you give everyone you saw today a smile? Maybe you were the jokester at work and made everyone laugh? Constantly work to be what others are grateful for. Not only will it make their day, and you’re name will go on their gratitude list, but you are giving yourself a distinguished type of respect seldom held. In addition to positively impacting the people you meet each day, find an organization to volunteer at. My current volunteering consists of running races where the funds go towards a specific charity. I am also looking into Habitat for Humanity and Big Brothers Big Sisters to continue my volunteerism. The general rule of volunteering is at least two hours a week. The benefits of volunteering are so incredible that they deserve a blog post to themselves. Look at all the benefits by giving it a Google if you’re interested.
Come to think of it, it may not be a bad idea to also list the contributions and volunteering you’ve done along side your list of things you are grateful for each day.
9. Plan a trip for 4 months from now.
Figure out where you want to go and start looking into it now. Whenever you seem to have some free time, begin searching on the internet for things you can do at the destination you chose and start planning for it. Think how you are going to save for the next four months or how you will use the money you already have to take the trip. It does not have to be anything huge but don’t let it be too little either. Having something major to look forward to as it is necessary to maintain a continuous positive attitude and outlook. If anything goes wrong through the week, just remember that you are taking a trip soon and will be able to get away from everything and enjoy yourself. The point of this is to stop putting celebration off, enjoy life, YOLO and always have something big to look forward to in the long run.
10. Say yes
Simple. Start saying yes to everything (with thorough judgement of course). Take every opportunity and option and work with it, create something productive and positive with every choice you make. In essence, try new things. Begin to experiment and experience everything you can. Heck, go sky diving. If you see a flier for a free event, go to it. If someone asks you to join them for an activity, do it. If the Botanical gardens or some other place is free on Wednesday, give it a visit. Saying yes is about you agreeing to living your life to its fullest potential by exposing yourself to all the world offers.
11. Schedule a date night
With yourself, with your life partner or with the girl/guy you met because you said “Yes” to an invitation to an event. Adding the previous 10 tips to your life on top of all your responsibilities and duties already, you deserve a night of pure enjoyment. Use this time to do everything, do nothing, or only do what you want to. She and I have Origami nights and other nights we stay in and play Farkle and Scrabble. (I’m unbeatable at Scrabble). Other times we go out to dinner and a movie. The options are endless but the point is purely to enjoy yourself. Relax, meditate, reminisce on the highlights of the past week, think about all you have to look forward to and practice living in the moment. Forget all tasks, all obstacles and all affairs that are up in the air. Schedule a date night where you stop time and live.
12. Complete the following: Stay ________
Just do it. If you are only going to do one tip to make this “your” year, let this be it. Get optimistic, improve your attitude, change the outcomes and Stay Positive. Nothing will make “your” year greater than if you Stay Positive. The reason I end every post with this reminder is because it is the most important trait to living the successful life you want. Staying Positive is the basis of everything that has made you happy, everything that is making you happy and everything that will make you happy. By all means, devote all you have into Staying Positive.
