Life Lesson

Train Wrecks, Finding Yourself & Life

Garth Beyer

Life can be really freaking incredible.

Life is made up of a trillion train tracks and it’s all about finding your train, or the one that best suits you – after all, most people don’t find themselves, they find something safe to settle with – and then they just go right along. It’s a ride and they certainly don’t conduct it.

Then people wait, they wait for a train wreck that forces them to go back out and search for their train. Some try and repair the one they were on, others take the closest one to the wreckage, a few never get on a train again, and -what I have never believed until recently- rarely, very rarely a train actually comes to you.

Bare with me as I carry on the analogy…

It’s as if the train already had you on it, and it was searching for your body. Your body never knew because it was riding a train, a safe train, with little fear and a lot of false security. (Clearly it was false security because you just got in a train wreck!)

So. Very rarely in life, a train finds you and you forget about the train wreck because it never really happened. It may be a memory but that memory is not part of who you were because you were never there [remember, your “self” has always been on another train]

The most fascinating part about when you find yourself, or rather, when your self finds you, you don’t just get aboard.

You climb, you jump, you cuddle atop it, you make an imprint on it, you slip but don’t fall, it’s not a memory, it’s life.

And at that moment, when you reconnect with life -whether it’s alone or with someone else- you forget about your train wreck. As a reader, you forgot that this was all based on a train wreck, you were simply rolling with it. (Pardon the pun)

Having just been through one, I know you forgot it was based on a train wreck for two reasons.

1. (Obviously) Train wrecks suck. They crunch, they hurt, they burn, they crumble, they are painful. Who wants to focus on that? Who wants to invite a train wreck into their life for the possibility of finding themselves when they are already so comfortable, so safe.

2. (Not at all obvious and hard to agree with) What I just described that happens after a train wreck is exciting, it’s wonderful, it’s life. For most, it’s a dream and who doesn’t love a dream, especially one this great? So great that you keep it a dream, you ignore the fact I told you exactly how you can have it. That’s how you have gotten through all of your other troubles, you focused on dreams and they took your mind off it.

Your life is good, it’s average, it’s mediocre, it’s safe, and you’re okay with that. The dreams you have while on the train you are on now, are great. They are stimulating, an adventure, amazing and you’re okay with them staying so because they make you forget about your troubles, the dreams give you enough power to bear with the troubles.

But you can’t be okay with that, no one deserves to live like that. You have to wonder what sort of dreams you can have once you develop your own train wreck and find your self or at least lose the illusion you have long believed to be your self. The dreams you are having now are little, weak, and I will even say they are unworthy because you can dream so much larger.

Because you took that train wreck, made the most of it, and found your self, you are able to dream bigger, stronger, more powerful dreams. But you don’t need another train wreck to get those either. The train you found your self on takes you there because you’re finally the conductor, you are yourself, uncaring about safety, mediocrity, security or having things just be okay.

 

Stay Positive & To Find Your Self, Wreck A Thousand Times If You Have To

(you’ll likely end up loving trains a lot more than you do now. I sure do.)

Garth E. Beyer

 

 

Unlocking Potential: Interview #5

Garth Beyer

I love when people ask questions. But I’ve missed a huge part of the process. Like many others, I have always taken an exciting interest in answering questions and the discussion that follows, but I haven’t necessarily focused on the question-asking. It wasn’t until I spoke with Michelle that I learned there can be so much more to the questions that are asked in addition to the answers one may receive.

Michelle was trained in the criminal justice system at an early age and learned the importance of asking questions through clinical training (she’s a licensed social worker). As a probation officer, she relied heavily on facilitating conversations with clients in order to develop productive working relationships. And, you guessed it, asking questions was a big part of that.

Have you considered how business, social media, and finding connections is primarily fostered by the right questions? Can you imagine creating a job of your dreams based on assessment, questioning, and curiosity? Michelle is not only living proof, but lively proof that you can get the right answers if you ask the right questions. She excitedly participated in my Unlocking Potential interview, adding a fresh, unique addition to my series. (You can view the others here)

Enjoy.

Interview: Michelle Welsch

GB: I would love to know what you think your passion, or your life purpose is. You have this fire, this passion that is evident. What fuels it?

My passion has always been people. I love to learn about what makes people tick and hear their stories, learning about their world and how they see things. I’m fortunate that the work that I do helps people share their stories with others. Connecting people only amplifies that. I like watching people make strides professionally and personally, and I like to think I help people do this through observation, helping people own and recognize their own brand story and introducing others who might enhance their work. My focus has mostly been, “How can I help others?” — I had never seen myself in the driver’s seat, always walking alongside people and businesses and companies I might help reach their goals. But with Project Exponential, I’ve realized I’m now steering my own ship.

GB: I see that many of your writings and blog posts are inspirational and talk about courage and challenge. Do you write everyday? Do you see writing as a practice?

You can write everyday, but that doesn’t mean you have to publish every day. It’s valuable to get into the habit of writing. That moment of brilliance will never come if you’re waiting. You could be waiting a very long time for that perfect moment. The perfect circumstance will probably never happen, and then you’ll never finish anything. Just get in the habit of writing ideas, notes, quotes, observations about things you see that inspire you. You have to practice seeing the world in a way that corresponds to words. You learn to verbalize and communicate in a different way and how to transfer your thoughts onto paper. While practice can make the process more fluid, with anything there are ebbs and flows. I try to aim for moderation. Often times those moments when you think you have nothing to say are the important moments when you have to force yourself to write anyway.

GB: I have to ask, is there a book in store?

I’ve flirted with this idea, but we’ll see. It might be a fun goal. Recently I came across Austin Kleon’s advice: “Write the book you’d want to read.” I’m not entirely sure what I’d write about just yet. I’d need to have more of a concrete idea before I really consider.

GB: I just finished reading Keri Smith’s book: Living Out Loud. She mentions all great female writers have an intrinsically unique connection to nature. I’ve seen some recent photos of a trip to Peru on your twitter feed. Are the outdoors important to you?

I grew up in Colorado where the outdoors are an integral part of life. When I first moved to New York, I thought I was going to have to give that up. But I found Discover Outdoors and the Upper West Side, surrounded by Riverside Park, Morningside Park, and Central Park. Being outside has always been super important to me. I get the best ideas when I’m outside and running around. The ideas always happen when I’m someplace in Central Park, and then I have to repeat it over and over in my head until I can come home and write it down. I think that’s when the best moments happen, when you’re in a different environment.

GB: Now I’m going to shift the subject a bit. What’s it like working with Seth Godin? Do people equate you with him?

Working with Seth has been some of the most rewarding work I’ve done. He’s incredible to work with. With Seth, his work is his. It’s about picking yourself and creating your own name.

GB: You’ve certainly done that. How have your past experiences impacted your work?

My resume is a little nontraditional. I’ve managed to draw valuable lessons from a variety of environments — the court room, the South Bronx, higher ed settings, and clinical therapeutic settings. My transition from social work into the corporate, business world started really slowly. When I freelanced for Interbrand, I was a consultant in this very buttoned up corporate world, but I would often teach people the same skills I would teach, let’s say in probation or to disadvantaged youth, how to be genuine, human and approachable when communicating. My experience there acted as a type of “mini-MBA” and showed me what skills I could bring from my former career path into this new world of business and tech.

GB: It seems your consulting work helped lay the foundation for the creation of Project Exponential: the transition, the growth, the learning, the insight, and most importantly, the transferring of skills. I’m so curious about what you do. After looking through Project Exponential’s website, I immediately related to your passion, mind-set and way of thinking. I imagine you’re someone who likes to dabble in a little bit of everything (most of us who strive for success do). Is that why you make events where really different people come together?

When I first began to make the career switch, I started wondering what kinds of work people would do if they borrowed from a different industry — whether it would be better, more interesting, more creative. I started sending email introductions to people I had encountered who had similar interests or parallel work. Sometimes best intentions fall flat, and the intended coffee dates wouldn’t always happen. So I began selecting individuals and extending invitations to unique locations I had reserved throughout New York City. I wanted to run my fingers horizontally through industry verticals.

GB: So what happens during a Project Exponential event?

It’s always different, depending on who is there and what kind of space I choose to complement the group. The venues change; it could be a private room in a trendy restaurant where attendees have to walk through the kitchen, past the chef and the dishwashers to find it. I’ve held some at wine shops that separate part of the store for us while we are there. I’ve also hosted attendees in a basement dining room, and they’re treated to a four course meal. It’s an experience.

Before events, I spend time with each attendee, learning more about their work and creative process. It’s kind of like an assessment. I create specific, tailored exercises for each event so that people can learn more about each others work. One of my favorite parts of my work is to find the balance of structure, easing anxieties of being in a foreign place with strangers and creating the backdrop for serendipity to take place.

GB: Your understanding how to create problems and questions specifically to each group you curated is extraordinary. You’ve stepped away from traditional networking conventions. Why is it important to you to protect the names and titles of those attending?

I want to create a space where everyone’s on the same playing field. This anonymity allows people the freedom to step away from their work and whatever preconceived notions or judgements someone might have about what they do for one evening and connect with others in a meaningful way. There are plenty of events that list of the names of attendees. You go, hoping to meet specific people there and may walk way with a few business cards that, if you’re lucky, turn into something remarkable. You may also miss meeting a handful of incredible people who didn’t have the job or the title you wanted to see.

I have seen magic take place at Exponential events; people are following up with coffee dates, planning bike rides, helping each other with business ideas and expanding their networks. I’ve watched design directors brainstorm with entrepreneurs, athletes mix with CEOs, and writers engage in hearty conversation with bankers. My aim is to use this momentum to inspire others to do the same, step out of their industries and put themselves in new environments where boundaries can be crossed. I want people to ask, “How can I disrupt things?” and make something happen.

GB: What has been a highlight of your work with Project Exponential?

I take a lot of time putting each group together. With each event, I consider who needs to meet and at what point during the evening this connection might take place. Connections and common interests aren’t always clear, but it’s up to me to connect the dots. If I’m honest, there’s a quite a bit of anxiety for me in delivering something magical for each attendee, but it’s incredibly rewarding to watch two people interact in the way I had envisioned. I try to focus on providing the backdrop for magic to occur and let the people take care of the rest.

GB: What inspired you to make this career change? What got you going and what’s propelled you forward?

The move from the social good world to what I’m doing now was intentional but not necessarily direct. I knew that I needed to take specific action to get into the next realm and took small, manageable steps. With Exponential, it took more coaxing and courage, and I had to make the decision to commit to it. Seth’s work helped quite a bit.

We grow up learning that we have to find the job, do the work, and get paid. Suddenly it clicked: “What a minute, I can create this dream job I’ve been searching for.” And then it’s a matter of jumping. At first, it’s a bit of a bungee jump feeling — exciting and scary but you can’t wait to see what happens.

GB: How do you try to live your life? Are there any quotes that have inspired you?

“Leap, and the net will appear.” -John Burroughs

You have to take risks. No decision in life is irreversible. It’s much better to go and do and figure out how to fix it, and you’ll feel that much more satisfied with having tried it. You just have to do it. Jump. Go. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the wrong direction, you may end up with a more scenic, memorable ride. Just go. That’s how I ended up in New York.

Look and see how you can shake things up, be fearless. Whether it’s walking home from work a different way, trying a new restaurant, placing yourself in a new environment to meet new people, inviting random people to your house — just open that space for different things to come your way. It doesn’t have to be huge.

____________________________________________________________________________________

You can find Michelle and her work online, most recently here. I have also shared a few of my favorites below.

You can ask Michelle questions of your own on twitter @redheadlefthand or send her an email at info@projectexponential.com.

To learn more about her project, visit www.projectexponential.com.

 

Stay Positive & #impresario

Garth E. Beyer

Shoes, Feet, And Fitting In

Garth Beyer
Usain Bolt: Worlds Fastest Man

Everything is a matter of perspective, especially when you are deciding if the shoe doesn’t fit.

I quoted Gloria Steinem as saying “If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?” From the original perspective, no, we shouldn’t.

Then I took a really good look at my running shoes  and decided I needed a new pair. A pair that real athletes wear. A pair of shoes that will give me the feeling of being unworthy of wearing them – at first.

Let’s take a different perspective on Steinem’s question. The fact is, sometimes we must change the foot. Sometimes people make or buy shoes the way they do so that they have something to work towards, to shape themselves into so they can fit the shoe. It’s personal growth.

Wait. Take a step back. Don’t be confused with fitting into someone elses shoes. No. Create, design, and construct your own pair of shoes you want to fit into.

This is the beauty of changing the foot that Steinem never realized.

 

Stay Positive & Too Big Of Shoes Are Better Than Too Small

Garth E. Beyer

Every Expert Has It Easy. You Can Too

Garth Beyer

Let me put something out of assumption right away. I am in no way deploying a statement that says becoming an expert does not take hard work because it does – a lot of it.

Yet, math geniuses have it easy, famous writers have it easy, exceptional artists have it easy and every profession alike has it easy. They have it easy because they decide what they are going to be, long before they become so.

Experts make the decision whether they realize it or not that they will become experts when they follow their passion, their intuition,  and their dreams. In doing so, they pass all the screening processes put on through life to make it difficult for them to be the expert mathematician, the expert engineer, the expert artist.

Hard work will always be hard work, but when you make that decision and have that passion, it’s easy to do the hard work because you accept it, are aware of it, acknowledge it and believe it or not, you are sure as hell prepared for it.

And when I say you are prepared for it, it means you can get through every set-back, every road bump, every push that the action of “hard work” promotes. As you can expect, there is a lot of it.

You got this, but what do I know? You’re the expert.

 

Stay Positive & In The End, Easy Or Hard, You’re Still An Expert

Garth E. Beyer

Everyone

Garth Beyer
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Everyone has their problems, their battles, their emotions, their wars, and their own issues. Realizing this, knowing this, understanding this does not mean to put you to inaction. It does not mean to hold back, to deal, to settle, to not complain, to not feel.

Humans need to be better and if there is one way that is more available to us than not doing anything, it is doing something. It is taking action, reacting more passionately, releasing our empathy, our sympathy, our hopes that others can win their battles.

It is to encourage your neighbor, your tribe member, a stranger, that you not only acknowledged that they are having their problems, but that you have their back, support them and encourage them.

Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. – Robert H. Schuller

If there is one thing humans have the biggest habit of, it’s creating a mess of our lives, of making more problems and provoking difficult situations to arise. We’re not stupid, we just kind-of suck but we are aware that we can do better. We just have to act on it.

Everyone has their problems. It’s up to you to offer solutions because doing so starts an endless cycle of understanding, encouragement, togetherness and above all, -not less problems, life would be boring without them- but more solutions. And that gets us somewhere.

 

Stay Positive & I Feel Good For You Son

Garth E. Beyer

A Writer Needs To Be Wrong

Garth Beyer

I want to be wrong.

 

So often writers and people in general second guess everything, especially what they write. They then cross it out, erase it, work around it or completely rewrite it. After you do this for so long, you eventually just handle the process in your head without realizing it. You begin to think of every word, sentence, and part of grammar before you write it.

–R.I.P Paragraph that I wrote and erased–

Now it may be safe, but it’s not healthy for a writer to do so. It disconnects you from a flow of writing which is much more important than the flow of thinking. – In which case that would make you a philosopher, not a writer –

Moreover, you would surely agree that writers learn from their mistakes and though they may still make them in their minds, they are not acknowledging them, learning from them or are able to look back at them and see where the mind strayed off track.

The ability to not only learn from mistakes, but actually play with them, develop with them and write with them allows the writer to explore purity. I say purity because everything that you have ignored, every angle you avoided writing from, every idea that you felt went off the story line has never been touched or tampered with and so it remains pure.

After you write for some time, you will learn that what most people want to read is pure writing and to find pure writing, you have to do the manual labor of writing on ideas that you would normally and subconsciously cross out or erase.

I always say, if hair on your chest makes you a man, scribbles and crossed out words makes you a writer.

 

Stay Positive & Purity In Writing Is Unlimited

Garth E. Beyer

Strategize: Working Backwards To Reach Your Goals

Garth Beyer

I’ve eaten a lot of organic apples but it wasn’t until I pulled the label off and stuck it to a notepad at work (for no reason) where I kept looking at it that I realized something. This apple came from New Zealand! That is on an island over 8,000 miles away from where I purchased it. It got me thinking…

We are all really ignorant of how far items and ideas travel before they reach us. Sure we’re curious where the hundred-dollar bill we have has been, but it stays a funny thought and is never looked into. While that specifically may be irrelevant, the concept is not.

Every goal has an origin. This apple states that it began in New Zealand and its goal was clearly to be bought in Madison, WI. The question I was asking myself was how did it get from New Zealand to here, but the growers of the apple were thinking ‘how do we get these apples to Madison, WI from here?’ not ‘where do these apples go from here?’

Notice the difference is that a destination was chosen for the apples to arrive and the method of transportation to get them there was worked out beginning in Madison, WI, not New Zealand. They marked their origin (New Zealand), set their goal (Madison, WI) and worked out everything backwards.

If they had worked it all out going forwards they may think that putting them on the first shipment to America will get them to Madison the quickest when really, first looking at where which flights are going into Madison the soonest and having them sent there.

One thought is that the quicker they get shipped, the quicker they reach their destination when in reality when the transportation strategies begin getting worked out from the destination, the product reaches it much quicker.

Spreading ideas or products isn’t about sending them into a thousand different directions hoping they eventually land at your goal. It is about knowing your goal, what people are in closest and most constant contact with your goal and which mode of transportation best reaches them directly.

The real question arises then, is it more efficient to figure out where a product needs to go to reach its destination or how quickly will it land at its destination if it is just sent off on any number of planes.

 

Stay Positive & Strategize

Garth E. Beyer