Why The Apologies?

Garth Beyer

It’s a problem of people’s.

There are only a handful of predicaments that will ignite an immediate response (positive or assertive) from me: if you’re complaining, if you’re being thankful, if you’re telling me about challenging the norms, and most regularly, if you’re apologizing.

Given the theme of my usual writing, you may assume that I am referring to apologies made by writers for not shipping their art, or someone apologizing for sending an email that is kind of like spam, or, the worst, just starting anything with an apology. In these cases, if you’re going to apologize, just don’t do whatever you’re going to apologize for. It just leaves a vituperative taste to your message.

Instead, filter your message, specify your audience, narrow your goal or your audience, do whatever it takes to not feel the need to initiate your message with an apology. Messages that start or even contain an apology (unless your Apple, apologizing for their version of maps), will rarely be efficacious. In most cases, if you can’t find a way to eliminate the apology, not doing anything is the best alternative.

But as I said, that’s not what I’m really referring to. The apologies that truly need to stop are the general ones, the off-brand apologies, the ones which lack insincerity. Have you heard these before or any similar to?

“I’m sorry, I’m just too busy.”

“It’s just not going to work, I’m sorry.”

“I’ve got to focus on myself, I’m sorry.”

Okay, maybe some of the apologies do have sincerity, but there is still no reason to apologize for, what the hipsters these days would call “doing you.” Our society has this preconception that we must apologize for doing things for ourselves, that if a decision we make that benefits us but clashes with someone else’s plans, we have to apologize.

I’m writing to tell you that you don’t.

 

Stay Positive & Please Yourself (There’s No Way You Can Please Everybody Else)

Garth E. Beyer

p.s. And this is why you don’t have to > My favorite concept and reason to quit saying sorry. It can be applied to anything, not just articles.

Biting Off More Than You Can Chew

Garth Beyer

The adage goes: don’t bite off more than you can chew.

I’m not going to argue that. In fact, it’s literally impossible to bite off more than you can chew.

I’ve hacked this adage though.

The other day my mother said I was crazy. (Not surprising. I get it often, actually.) Then she said, “I’ve never heard of anyone intentionally trying to bite off more than they can chew.”

That’s me, Bigmouth. Not really though, I’m fairly humble. But she is right, it is intentional. I’m working a 40+ hour job, going to school with 15 credits at UW Madison, doing some freelance work, working my magic as VP of Public Relations for Toastmasters, also working my magic as VP of Chapter Relations for the PRSSA Conference Committee, finding time to workout at least 3 days a week, giving speeches, going out on the weekends, and still getting around 6-8 hours of sleep each night.

That’s all fun, but not yet crazy (by my standards). What I mentioned above is a packed schedule. What warrants the title of “crazy” is that, although I know that my schedule is packed, I’m still adding more. I’ve applied to be a Transfer Ambassador beginning in a couple of months, I’ve made the committment to write a blog post every day and freewrite for 15 minutes (nonstop) 5 days a week. I’m offering my hand, my arm, my legs, my back, left and right to friends and those who ask for help; I don’t remember the last opportunity that I had passed up.

Hacking the adage: I started by taking a bite that filled my mouth but still allowed me to chew, if only just a tiny bit. The moment after I started to chew, I took another bite, chewed, took another bite, chewed… and so on. I’ve intentionally committed to too much in small intervals. I based my actions on the idea of adaptation.

To keep with the analogy, after each bite, my cheeks are stretching, my jaw muscles are loosening up more, and I’m able to take another little bite. It’s not about biting off more than you can chew, it’s about biting off as much as you can chew, then biting off a bit more again and again.

It’s truly amazing how much we are all capable of doing. It’s truly amazing that we all have 24 hours in a day, but some of us (you? … now you?) can do so much in the same amount of time that others do so little. I’m not hating on those who don’t do much, I straightforwardly believe they just never try to bite off more than they can chew, so they never adapt, never grow, and are never amazed with themselves.

I haven’t crashed yet. I’ll let you know if I do.

 

Stay Positive & Do As Much As You Can, Then Do A Little More

Garth E. Beyer

 

To Succeed

Garth Beyer

you have to take on the pain of it.

That means mistakes. That means stumbling, falling, and bruising. That means burning a couple of bridges and sometimes some of the ones that you spent time building.

 

Stay Positive & Emphasis: You Have To Take On The Pain

Garth E. Beyer

Addicted, But Far From Anonymous

Garth Beyer

You’re an alcoholic. Wonderful!

You’re addicted to sugar. That’s great!

You can’t control the amount of food you eat. Not a problem!

You’re obsessed with exercise. That’s cool!

We all have our dependencies, our addictions. Every single one of us.

My top three addictions are writing, confrontation (challenging everything and taking on challenges), and attempting to have as much wit as Oscar Wilde. These addictions are like badges of pride that I wear everywhere I go. At first I thought how interesting it was that one or all three addictions would be entwined with any conversation or any story I would tell people. Then I realized that these addictions are my story.

Being obsessed. Having addictions. Being dependent. All are powerful traits – and I mean that in a good sense!

The problem with being wedded to certain influences is when you wear the problem like a badge; when being an alcoholic becomes your story; when you tell everyone how attached you are to eating junk food, day in and day out; when you start using your addiction to drugs as an excuse for the life you’ve lived.

I had a friend who suffered a serious back injury. I was one of the first people who heard the story of how it happened. It was pretty silly. Weeks went by and I heard my friend tell the story over and over to everyone he talked to. In fact, by the 6th or 7th time, it seemed like it was scripted. My friend had the story down pat. It was as if my friend was ready to tell it for the next couple months. My friend was addicted to telling the story and dependent on the responses and type of attention that was received. How can my friend expect to recover when the injury is the story, and the story, my friends life?

The same goes for the alcoholic who is fine with telling everyone that they are. Who is fine with accepting that the reasons they treated people poorly and had a shitty life was because they were an alcoholic. They go to AA, to be grouped with other people who think they are special because they have an addiction. Am I against people getting together to overcome something like alcoholism? No. Am I against the idea that in going there that they have a signficant problem, an addiction that influences their thoughts and actions – and they believe they are special cases? Yes, there’s a big problem.

Every one of our addictions, whether it be alcohol, sugar, writing, singing, debating, planting, breaking things, or running; they all put us under an influence. Each addiction acts as a filter on our mind, sometimes filtering out good motives and considerations, sometimes filtering out the bad.

I was on an Improv team for a few years. Our troupe was called Improv Anonymous. We often opened the show up by getting in a circle, telling our names, and talking about our addiction to Improv. When we weren’t doing our show, we still did Improv: in class, at a friend’s house, in Culver’s. That Improv badge we wore with pride, what we were addicted to, altered every part of our lives.

I’ll say it again: Being addicted to something isn’t bad, whether it’s drugs or playing basketball. Being comfortable with announcing your addiction, wearing it like a badge of honor, and letting it become your story; that’s when we run into problems. There’s a reason why it’s alcoholics anonymous.

“The world is just; it may, it does, patronize quacks; but it never puts them on a level with true men.” – Amelia Barr

 

Stay Positive & Just A Heads-Up: It’s Easier To Change Addictions Than To Stop Them

Garth E. Beyer

Well, That’s Interesting!

Garth Beyer

After a truly phenomenal speech, I asked UW Madison’s Dean of Students, Lori Berquam, how she got so great and comfortable with public speaking.

“It wasn’t until I realized I had something worth saying,” she replied.

She mentioned that she didn’t enjoy public speaking for the longest time because she didn’t have anything interesting to say – or at least she didn’t think it was interesting. We shared a laugh together at the idea of how simple it is to be good at anything, not just public speaking.

Be interesting.

You’ll never truly be good at anything until you learn to be interesting at it.

 

Stay Positive & Often Times, Being Interesting Begins With Being Interested

Garth E. Beyer

Why So Many People Talk About Making A Change But Never Follow Through

Garth Beyer

In simple quick terms, it’s because they only talk about following through with the change.

Now that you’re more curious…

In more thorough terms,

we’re naturally inclined to use our imagination and that definitely works to our advantage. However, too often we jump the gun and focus more on what we are going to do rather than the simple – and much more fun – process of exploring our options.

We talk about the diets we will start. We talk about the idea of moving in with someone new. We talk about quitting our job. We talk about taking a spontaneous trip. We talk and never do.

I’m not suggesting that we don’t talk about what we are going to do (there are many benefits to it), it’s more along the lines of suggesting talking about what we are going to do.

Talking as in a two-way street. To talk about the change you’re going to make, it’s one way.

Deciding you are going to make a change in your life is truly great and usually the tipping point kind of attitude people need to turn their life around or redirect it in the way they want. However, if we explored the options we have; if we discussed with others what making the change will entail; if we imagined a hundred different scenarios regarding the change we want to make, but also the changes we could otherwise make, then we will be much more likely to follow through.

When we think in concrete terms, “I’m going to do this,” our brain subconsciously works to give us reasons not to. As a result, the change we said we were going to make, we don’t.

To follow through with a change you want to make, start talking about it.

 

Stay Positive & You’re Imagination Is Pretty Good At Making What It Thinks Into Reality

Garth E. Beyer