Doubt is the road to the truth you imagined.
Faith is the road to the truth you could never have imagined.
Stay Positive & You Know Which To Take
Garth E. Beyer
Relationships
A Lot About Women And Love
Yes, it’s that kind of post. A trend I see with famous writers and thinkers is that their thoughts on love, women, and relationships never get brought to light until they are dead. (The people themselves, not their relationships. Well, those too I suppose)
Note: This post is not going to be the typical inverted pyramid style. The small stuff will grow into the deep stuff. Ready?
“Ethics is just a word made up by women” – Co-worker I’m starting to keep notes of all the one liners he says. Maybe I’ll write a book from them someday.
Beauty: When you first meet, you either see it right away or she slowly opens your eyes to it. The way in which it happens is not the matter. The matter is that every woman, once their beauty is seen by another, must perform upkeep. While she may think her beauty lies in makeup and moisturizer, it really is a result of the relationships she maintains with another. Once severed, she does not become ugly, hideous, grotesque. Her beauty disappears, becomes void, incoherent. When it comes to a woman’s beauty, it is there or it is not, nothing replaces it. Beauty is impermanent.
A woman who loves knows everything, a woman who doesn’t is clueless to everything, including herself.
I get a hard time, mainly from myself, about not finishing puzzles. I always match two pieces and call it finished. My views on life and puzzles is that there can be 500 pieces or more than 7 billion pieces, but all it takes is two that connect to make it worth it.
I made you responsible for my happiness, not only that. I made it hard for you. I lost myself. I forgot I create my own happiness and that is what makes you most happy and vice verse. Being there, sharing experiences, giving support, having fun, that is a relationship, that is love. I respect our differences in our way of living and dreaming and I’m loving the process of growing into everything love means.” – an excerpt from the journal of a guy whose relationship ended three days later.
If your arm is not around her when you introduce her to anyone, it’s unlikely love.
When it comes to love, always dream more than you can. The tragedy of a perfect relationship is that once success is met, it doesn’t matter. Once you are living with your partner, are financially sound, are entertaining each other on a regular basis, once you feel that it’s perfect, none of it matters. You got to where you wanted to go and once you do that, you decline, everyone does. (Aside from those who feel stuck, which is a fair amount, but being stuck is just another type of decline). So dream HUGE about the relationship you will nurture, make it an impossible goal; when you tell someone your plans, they better be in disbelief, they better tell you it’s impossible, they better expect you to fail. You better fail! The point isn’t to succeed, it’s to have a goal of a successful relationship so high that you will never reach it. But you will try because that is how love manifests.
The best memories hurt the most.
The Impermanence of Love
“What is a plan?”
“Gods have a plan
but animals don’t”
“What happens when a God has a plan and animals don’t?”
“It’s magnificent – the love that wont happen ’til the God ceases to be.
See – you can pray for love, but it doesn’t change a thing”
“What does the animal see”
“Nothing…
Nothing changes, only deteriorates
and that’s not change, change is too late”
“What is change?”
“Do you know of sacrifice? it is very strange,
It is when you want to give up a piece of your heart
to gain a piece of life with another.
Change succeeds sacrifice”
“Do you think me a God or animal?”
“Neither.
I’ve been a God
and done as an animal – sacrificed everything for another.
I once thought as you may,
that you become more of what you sacrifice. –
It is not true.”
“What are you?”
“Non-existent.”
Humans are passionate, but inconsistent.
A stable relationship can be judged as such when there is a balance between the number of times you open the car door for your lady and the number of times that you let her do it herself.
Never say to a woman that you are letting her do something. It can even be in the most considerate way such as, “I’m letting you have your space.” Think about it. Really think about it right now because every woman reading this is smiling in agreement at the truth of this. Never say you are letting them.
When people are using their phones and iPods, are they unavailable? I’d say the iPod is the new promise ring. You may hit on someone that’s wearing a ring, but you don’t say a word to someone with their ear buds in. Is this what the world has come to?
Why I don’t approve of homosexuality with women: Quite plainly, they decrease the chance of a guy finding the girl of his dreams. When a girl is lesbian, that is one less girl in the world the guy has a chance with. The world is hard enough for men to find a good woman, and now they go off and enter relationships with other women leaving the guy less of a chance.
Now you may think, well, why doesn’t the guy become gay as well? Don’t the gay guys balance out the gay girls?
Why I don’t approve of homosexuality with men: Most gay guys aren’t just gay, they are super gay, and can you guess who likes super gay guys (beside other gay guys?) Girls. And not just any girls, typically the gorgeous ones. They cling to their gay boys like their prized possession and protector. Gay guys make it so girls don’t feel the need to have a real man and that decreases a guys chances even further to finding the right girl.
Life is so much about competition as it is, and of course, Love, the only reason worth living, is the toughest competition of all.
Why is it only girls that we see often can we have a chance with? Why is society built so that if I see someone I can’t just introduce myself and see if we have anything in common? We make love so difficult. My imaginary world would be a place in which you can go and talk to any girl and it’s normal. If that was the case, there still isn’t a promise you would find love quicker. The chances of finding someone that you spark something with right away is somewhere around 2% I would imagine. Although, you would make more friends but more friends doesn’t make it more likely to turn a friendship into a relationship because you know that there are so many other girls out there you can talk to and hopefully spark something with right away. So, this general acceptance in society to make starting conversations with strangers doesn’t really make finding love easier, it simply makes finding love more of an experience. What do you think?
Stay Positive & Heck, In Love You’re Doomed, But Best To Make Your Journey To Damnation As Near To Cloud Nine As Possible
Garth E. Beyer
Enlighten Others
Quadruple Book Regurgitation
Following my breakup with girlfriend, I have decided to streamline my goals to accomplishments. At the beginning of 2012 I had decided that I wanted to read 25 books before the end of the year and last night, or this morning – I don’t recall what time it was – I completed that goal.
In the last week I have read four books that I would now like to regurgitate for you. However, unlike past book regurgitations, these will be more similar to reviews, as I did not highlight or pull out too many examples to share.
Ironically, during pre- and post- breakup I was reading The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz.
I firmly believe that this book should be read by every adolescent of love. I would define an adolescent of love as anyone who has not read the book. This makes it very black and white as to who I think needs to pick it up. Did this book help me save the relationship? Obviously not. Could it have if I read it earlier, yes, but everything happens for a reason. (And that reason is usually based on the fall of three aspects, which you can read more about in my Twelve Pillars regurgitation toward the end of this post).
While you may solely believe that the book is supposed to help you master love, develop an honest and stable relationship and build a stronger chemical bond between you and your partner, you have correctly assumed only half of it. Reading this book during the break-up assisted me in making realizations and accepting them. The key to it though is not necessarily the eye-openers or realizations, they come naturally if you remain objective. However, if I had to simplify it for you, love is about acceptance.
In short, no matter when, where, or why you would pick this book up, you are going to feel that it was written for you, just you, at just the perfect time. Love is all there is, better to learn how to master (accept) now than later.
1-5 with 5 being read it right now, I will give it a 4.5
—
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield
This book was on my 50+ book list to read and to be straightforward (when am I ever not?), I got exhausted from reading all of the references to this book, all of the reviews and people suggesting others like me, to read it. As a writer, the more I know about the Resistance the better and who better to learn from than the one who put a title (the Resistance) to what prevents us from being creative.
After reading it in nearly one sitting, I was disappointed. Not in the sense of how it was written, or the advice in it, actually, the book is perfect but…
It’s perfect for someone who doesn’t know about the Resistance yet. For me, I’ve been aware of it, dancing with it and fighting with it for a fear few years now. As I set the book down, I really do believe that it should only be read by anyone who either has no clue about the Resistance or who is just starting to learn what being creative really entails.
If a blank mind opens the book, it will be taking in the knowledge Pressfield presents quicker than the desert floor absorbs a bit of rain, and craving more all the same.
While most of what Pressfield shares is only a reminder to me, there are certainly a few actions I will take as a result of reading it. One specifically is in response to reading the chapter “The Definition of a Hack”.
“I learned this from Robert McKee. A hack, he says, is a writer who second-guesses his audience. When the hack sits down to work, he doesn’t ask himself what’s in his own heart. He asks what the market is looking for.” (pg 152)
For quite some time I have been eliminating multiple sentences and sometimes entire paragraphs, rewriting portions that I think are too personal or that the reader wont give a damn about, excluding swear words and even holding back a bit of my real potential. Possibly more times than not, I’ve been a hack.
Rest assured, that phase is over thanks to reading The War of Art.
1-5 with 5 being read it right now, I will give it a 5 if you don’t know what the Resistance is, a 1.5 if you do
—
These next two books are ones that came with the Success book package I purchased last November to jump-start my pursuit for just that, success.
An aside about reading Success books: You don’t need 20 of them. You probably don’t even need 10. A strong handful will do since they regularly repeat themselves in different forms. Also, you can purchase huge packages of 20-30 books on Success but what I have learned is that when you make and devote time to reading on personal growth, you have less and less time to continue doing so. Why? Because you are putting thoughts into action, advice into results and lessons into experience. By the time you begin going through your whole list of personal growth/ success books, you will have already changed your life so much that you are living the life you read about.
My immediate reaction upon reading and resting The Seasons of Life by Jim Rohn on my side table was that it’s a book that should be read in the Winter. It is a highly motivating take on the cycle of personal growth and from experience, most people are already feeling the height of their life during Spring/Summer. The Seasons of Life is not set to make where you are standing now even better, it is to give you a deep understanding of why you are standing where you are at this moment and advice on how to control where you will be standing one season, two seasons or three seasons from now.
Something I really enjoyed about the book was that it did not overdo it with the seasonal/nature analogy. There was a depth of optimistic realism – yes, that may be an oxymoron – that enables you to relate your life to that of trees, flowers, leaves, or the seasons themselves.
We all know that in the Spring we are often times ecstatic, in the Summer we are happy and content, in the Fall we are at peace but at Winter we are depressed. Reading The Seasons of Life does not present to you a way for balance or consistent happiness, but a mind-set and strategy to make the absolute most of every season.
1-5 with 5 being read it right now, I will give it a 2.5 and suggest again to read it during Winter
—
The next book in my “success series” we can call it, was Twelve Pillars by Jim Rohn and co-author Chris Widener
They took a fictional approach on telling the Twelve Pillars of success. It felt real in the sense that we all wish it would happen to us, so there is an instant connection between reader and protagonist. Speaking of it being fiction, it was slightly predictable, at least the plot twists were but nevertheless the foresight did not degrade the story in any way.
There is truly a plethora of incredible quotes. For example,
“‘That’s great,’ Charlie said. ‘I am so glad for you. You will have to keep me posted as it progresses. Just remember that once a flower blooms, it still needs water and sun to keep it from wilting. The work isn’t over when the color comes out.”
The Twelve Pillars:
- A Chance Encounter (Personal Development)
- Live a Life of Health
- The Gift of Relationships
- Achieve Your Goals
- The Proper Use of Time
- Surround Yourself with the Best People
- Be a Lifelong Learner
- All of Life Is Sales
- Income Seldom Exceeds Personal Development
- All Communication Brings the Common Ground of Understanding
- The World Can Always Use One More Great Leader
- Leave a Legacy
Overall, Twelve Pillars was an entertaining read that allows you to put each pillar into action in your own life at the end of each chapter.
1-5 with 5 being read it right now, I will give it a 3.5
– As stated with the first book regurgitation on The Mastery of Love, I will now go into a quick insight about love/relationships from a combination of these two books, plus experience. Building a relationship is based on three factors: time, effort and imagination. HT to Jim Rohn, but I think I’ve taken it a step further than that.
Time can be based on quantity or quality, but in the real world, “time” is more “timing” than anything. It’s about spontaneity and creating the perfect moment.
Effort can be dwindled down completely to compliments. Women do not receive enough of them and once you begin to put in the effort, you will realize just how many they deserve.
Imagination is doing something fun, weird, and different together. It’s about getting her to think about the crazy things she has always wanted to do but never has and doing them! Dates, dinners and distractions have their place in a relationship but nothing will make a girl more happy than to do the oddball things she has always questioned about life.
Let me know any of your responses to my thoughts or your thoughts on the books in the comments section and keep coming back for more book regurgitations. After all, I have more time to read now. Is that an up side?
Stay Positive & Genuine
Garth E. Beyer
Enlighten Others
The Types Of People Who Tip In A Coffee Shop (Starbucks)
I’m spending my 4th of July observing and writing in Starbucks. This post is about all the observations I am making about Starbucks, customer service, behaviors and types of people.
The people who feel they are really cared for and given friendly service, not just customer service. These people will, after they have already walked out the door, come back in just to put a dollar in the tip jar.
The people who understand that the little adds up and are the predecessors of change. These people will not just toss change into the tip jar, but thank the coffee connoisseur for their effort.
The people who I call jingle haters. They can’t stand the spare change in their pocket so they toss it in the jar, doing their hardest to ignore the last clink of change they will hear until they make another purchase and get change back from that. I doubt any Starbucks employees complain about these jingle haters, they account for 3/8 of the tips.
The financially conservative people who treat themselves from time to time don’t tip. They also don’t just keep the change, they keep the receipt too. More power to them I suppose. Everyone’s gotta make a living.
Want to get tips? Make a game out of it? There are two registers and two tip jars, which person at which tip jar can serve remarkably enough to get larger tips? One wins but both have fun.
What I love about Starbucks Barista’s really is that they have fun. They really do live the Starbucks motto of “Rewarding Everyday Moments”. They don’t care about tips, it’s just a bonus, it’s not something they actually work for, serve for or slave for. It just so happens anyway that the more fun you have making and serving Coffee, the more tips you get. Starbucks understands the essence of relationships, not just between customer and coffee but between customer and barista.
Stay Positive & You Get Tipped For Having Fun Outside Of Starbucks Too
Garth E. Beyer
Enlighten Others
Poetry Night 008
The Expectation
I am your shadow.
I am the sun that put it there.
I am the sound.
I am the soul that sings.
I am your wish.
I am the coin thrown into the fountain.
I am the rope.
I am the knot tying us together.
I am your hope.
I am the crystal ball you look through.
I am the expectation.
I am the love that will make it happen.
Stay Positive and Fulfilling Of Expectations
Garth E. Beyer
Enlighten Others
Your Loved One Has Other Options
An average man spends 43 minutes a day checking out at least 10 women according to a survey .One of those women is your interest, your girlfriend, your fiance’, your wife.
This will not be a list of special things to do for the one you love, this is a reminder to you to DO special things for her.
In a year, the woman of your interest will have at least 200,000 guys look at her and create fantasies of getter her interest. You can bet that at least a quarter of them will take a shot at her. Despite your large ego, your girl has plenty of other choices and she knows that. It’s your responsibility to show her that you are the best of the choice. Sorry guys, it even frustrates me sometimes that loving someone is a life-long effort.
Ladies, do not think this doesn’t put you in account either. This is a reminder to give your partner a reason to not look at 10 other women. Love is a two-way street.
What are you doing for your loved one to keep their eyes on you?
Stay Positive and Go The Distance
Garth E. Beyer
I thought I would toss an idea that I had for you new love-birds. Keep record of every movie you see together so that in a year, five years, or twenty years you can go back and relive your relationships situation at the time: Your first movie, Your first movie with their family, Your first movie that you spent making out instead of watching it, etc.
