I give a lot. I love to give, I mean, really really love to give. Time, money, resources, tools, and so on, I give it all to those who ask, and even more to those who don’t.
What I can’t stand are the reactions I get when I give – the old “IOU”. Every time I give, it comes out in some shape or form. Here are some examples? Do they sound familiar?
“I’ll pay you back”
“Next time, I’ll get it”
“Why don’t you take this since you are giving me that“
and the worst of all, the “IOU”
Not to start a debate -by all means go ahead if you want- people are naturally good. There are very few people who I have given to that when I continuously asked why they thought they owed me, they came up with a statement which basically said that since I gave to them, they felt they needed to give to me. Balance. Those are good people, but oh so very annoying.
People may be naturally good, but they are also naturally and extremely self-centered. So self-centered that they care more about the need for that balance of giving back to the person who gave to them, than they do the simple fact that the person who gave to them, does not want anything in return. You are insulting the person and degrading the bliss they feel for giving without that expectation when you fulfill an expectation that is not there.
That is all fine and dandy, human nature, all of which you have experienced yourself or can rightly agree with.
But then someone comes along and doesn’t praise you for giving without an expectation, doesn’t say the infamous words of IOU, takes what you gave and never mentions it again. This is where the IOU paradox presents itself.
Despite the ever-present blissful feeling of giving without an expectation of a return, you feel swindled. You question whether they know you gave to them because you cared about them, that you felt their was an invisible but mutual respect for one another, you thought that them not giving you an IOU would make you feel even more incredible, but sadly… it doesn’t.
There’s no winning, but you still have two options. Either you can deal with them never mentioning your gift again, or you can convince them of how deserving they are of it so they don’t feel that it’s a gift, rather, an award for living remarkably.
I prefer the latter.
Stay Positive & Want An Award? Who doesn’t?
Garth E. Beyer
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