Life can be really freaking incredible.
Life is made up of a trillion train tracks and it’s all about finding your train, or the one that best suits you – after all, most people don’t find themselves, they find something safe to settle with – and then they just go right along. It’s a ride and they certainly don’t conduct it.
Then people wait, they wait for a train wreck that forces them to go back out and search for their train. Some try and repair the one they were on, others take the closest one to the wreckage, a few never get on a train again, and -what I have never believed until recently- rarely, very rarely a train actually comes to you.
Bare with me as I carry on the analogy…
It’s as if the train already had you on it, and it was searching for your body. Your body never knew because it was riding a train, a safe train, with little fear and a lot of false security. (Clearly it was false security because you just got in a train wreck!)
So. Very rarely in life, a train finds you and you forget about the train wreck because it never really happened. It may be a memory but that memory is not part of who you were because you were never there [remember, your “self” has always been on another train]
The most fascinating part about when you find yourself, or rather, when your self finds you, you don’t just get aboard.
You climb, you jump, you cuddle atop it, you make an imprint on it, you slip but don’t fall, it’s not a memory, it’s life.
And at that moment, when you reconnect with life -whether it’s alone or with someone else- you forget about your train wreck. As a reader, you forgot that this was all based on a train wreck, you were simply rolling with it. (Pardon the pun)
Having just been through one, I know you forgot it was based on a train wreck for two reasons.
1. (Obviously) Train wrecks suck. They crunch, they hurt, they burn, they crumble, they are painful. Who wants to focus on that? Who wants to invite a train wreck into their life for the possibility of finding themselves when they are already so comfortable, so safe.
2. (Not at all obvious and hard to agree with) What I just described that happens after a train wreck is exciting, it’s wonderful, it’s life. For most, it’s a dream and who doesn’t love a dream, especially one this great? So great that you keep it a dream, you ignore the fact I told you exactly how you can have it. That’s how you have gotten through all of your other troubles, you focused on dreams and they took your mind off it.
Your life is good, it’s average, it’s mediocre, it’s safe, and you’re okay with that. The dreams you have while on the train you are on now, are great. They are stimulating, an adventure, amazing and you’re okay with them staying so because they make you forget about your troubles, the dreams give you enough power to bear with the troubles.
But you can’t be okay with that, no one deserves to live like that. You have to wonder what sort of dreams you can have once you develop your own train wreck and find your self or at least lose the illusion you have long believed to be your self. The dreams you are having now are little, weak, and I will even say they are unworthy because you can dream so much larger.
Because you took that train wreck, made the most of it, and found your self, you are able to dream bigger, stronger, more powerful dreams. But you don’t need another train wreck to get those either. The train you found your self on takes you there because you’re finally the conductor, you are yourself, uncaring about safety, mediocrity, security or having things just be okay.
Stay Positive & To Find Your Self, Wreck A Thousand Times If You Have To
(you’ll likely end up loving trains a lot more than you do now. I sure do.)
Garth E. Beyer
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