Life Lesson

The “IOU” Paradox And How To Best Give

Garth Beyer

I give a lot. I love to give, I mean, really really love to give. Time, money, resources, tools, and so on, I give it all to those who ask, and even more to those who don’t.

What I can’t stand are the reactions I get when I give – the old “IOU”. Every time I give, it comes out in some shape or form. Here are some examples? Do they sound familiar?

“I’ll pay you back”

“Next time, I’ll get it”

“Why don’t you take this since you are giving me that“

and the worst of all, the “IOU”

Not to start a debate -by all means go ahead if you want- people are naturally good. There are very few people who I have given to that when I continuously asked why they thought they owed me, they came up with a statement which basically said that since I gave to them, they felt they needed to give to me. Balance. Those are good people, but oh so very annoying.

People may be naturally good, but they are also naturally and extremely self-centered. So self-centered that they care more about the need for that balance of giving back to the person who gave to them, than they do the simple fact that the person who gave to them, does not want anything in return. You are insulting the person and degrading the bliss they feel for giving without that expectation when you fulfill an expectation that is not there.

That is all fine and dandy, human nature, all of which you have experienced yourself or can rightly agree with.

But then someone comes along and doesn’t praise you for giving without an expectation, doesn’t say the infamous words of IOU, takes what you gave and never mentions it again. This is where the IOU paradox presents itself.

Despite the ever-present blissful feeling of giving without an expectation of a return, you feel swindled. You question whether they know you gave to them because you cared about them, that you felt their was an invisible but mutual respect for one another, you thought that them not giving you an IOU would make you feel even more incredible, but sadly… it doesn’t.

There’s no winning, but you still have two options. Either you can deal with them never mentioning your gift again, or you can convince them of how deserving they are of it so they don’t feel that it’s a gift, rather, an award for living remarkably.

I prefer the latter.

 

Stay Positive & Want An Award? Who doesn’t?

Garth E. Beyer

Your Insufflation

Garth Beyer

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, or even the number of moments that take your breath away.

 

It’s the passion you have that keeps you breathing.

 

Stay Positive & Breathe More

Garth E. Beyer

What You Deserve

Garth Beyer

Life is not centered at giving you what you need, you’re on your own with that.

It is however, very much focused on giving you what you deserve. And so am I.

Sure it’s smart to separate your wants and needs, but for this particular case, let’s put them all in one and just call them needs. After all, everyone gets them confused anyway.

Is it safe for me to say that you have never received anything you needed for no reason? As much as we, as humans, fight the assumption, every choice we make is made on the justification that it somehow benefits us. While some people lean towards selflessness like Mother Teresa and others are predominately selfish like Hitler, it is never one or the other, both made the choices they made because it benefited them.

If prodded long enough as to why someone did what they did, it is inevitable to get a response which states that.

Typically unbeknownst, when you receive something you need, you receive it because you have worked for it – except, that you actually never worked for it, you worked for the person to give you it. Again, you are usually unaware that you have worked or will work in a way that will benefit the person who is giving you what you need. Obviously then, the bigger the need, want, desire, hope, and so on that you have, the harder you have to work.

Want to be on the ballot for the next presidential election? You have to work hard for an extremely long time and the hard work you do has to benefit as many people as possible in the largest of ways. The same goes if you want to be a successful businessperson. The same goes if you want to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Anything major in life requires major work. None of it will be given to you unless you provide the gift bearer ways that it would benefit them.

Then, while you are working hard, working smart, working more efficiently through the good and bad times in order to get what you need, life – and all it’s magic – steps in and gives you exactly what you deserve.

However, what most people fail to understand is that you can go through life working hard and never get what you deserve because to get what you deserve, you have to work on your character. What builds character? I think you can figure that one out by yourself.

In my opinion, and I am curious if you agree, I would rather go through life getting what I deserve than what I need/want/desire.

 

Stay Positive & Work On Yourself And Everything Else Will Come To You

Garth E. Beyer

Pick & Choose

Garth Beyer

There may be a million reasons for them not to pick you…

but all you need to do is give them one good reason to choose you.

OR

You can put your mind at rest about what one good reason you can give

and just pick yourself.

 

After all, if you only need to give them one good reason, they don’t deserve you. You have over a million good reasons. Right?

 

Stay Positive & You Get To Pick The Reasons… And Yourself

Garth E. Beyer

Life Is Short

Garth Beyer

If time flies when you’re having fun and having fun is all you do, life is short.

If you’re a person that is having tragedies in your life and think life is short. You have another thing coming: one longgg life of living with those tragedies.

Which statement do you hear more people respond with “life is short”? I feel that I hear a lot more people say life is short in response to tragedies: A close friend dies from driving drunk, a grandparent falls and gets amnesia, you get heartbroken by the one you loved for years. Those are logical reasons to note that life is short.

Then you have those who use “life is short” as an excuse. An excuse to not do well in school, an excuse to be reckless, to risk their lives without realizing they are risking putting their tragedy on someone else’s mind, as explained in the paragraph above. Though they may not say it aloud, an underlying factor of why people do “stupid” things is that life is short.

And it is. It should be. Life NEEDS to be short. Scroll back up and read the first contention of this post.

There’s a variable that very few realize about time flying when you’re having fun. Think about this for a moment, remember a time that you said “time flies when you have fun” in response to an experience you had. In that experience, was time going fast? Or were you lost in it? It’s more than likely time didn’t even exist during that experience, in your mind, it was going to last forever. It’s not until the experience is over do you state that time flew.

Did it really though? Or is it just a perception. Yes this is getting deep, but bear with me, there’s a point.

You can have two people that live to be 78 years old. One lived every single day having as much positive fun as possible but ended the day with saying how short life is. The other lived every single day, averagely, blindly, safely, and at her deathbed, she had realized how short life is.

Did either have a short life? Yes and no. They both lived to by 78 years old which is a fair amount of years to live, not short at all. But only one person really lived those years. Only one person made the absolute most out of every day, that made time fly, and at the end of each day wished they had more time to continue doing the fun things they did, that thought life is short, when realistically it wasn’t shorter than anyone else’s.

Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. You can live each day and think that 24 hours is really short or you can go through life and once on your deathbed, wish you would have lived every set of 24 hours more.

 

Stay Positive & A Short Life Lived Is Better Than A Short Life Lost

Garth E. Beyer

Why I Interact With Everyone: My Hope

Garth Beyer

My hope is that you remain discontent with how society defines success;

that you understand some rules are unjust and are meant to be broken;

that you use the broken pieces to build your character;

that you will light the match which ignites the fire in your belly, the warmth of your heart, and what is necessary for passion to turn into something tangible;

that you either walk away or plow over the naysayers;

that you never stop transforming;

that from time to time – the more often the better – you just start and ship something immediately, just do what you need to do right away and feel that special sense of completion;

that you manage to find a way to always keep your head up;

that you would be willing to get arrested for what you do;

that you always try;

that you be you;

that you

 

Stay Positive & Remember I’m Here For You

Garth E. Beyer

Once You Leave

Garth Beyer

Once you leave your cubicle, your apartment, your comfort zone, your box, you expose yourself. You risk at all levels. Most people stay in their zone because of that risk, because of their fear. Nothing can throw you out of wack if you stay put in your structure. The interesting revelation is this:

Once you leave your cubicle, your apartment, your comfort zone, your box, you expose yourself. But what you expose yourself to is never what you think and worry about. Once you leave your zone, everything that you dreamed of, craved, and desired in your zone, comes to you.

Want to find love? How can you do that when you stay in your room all day? Forget it. Anyway, love will find you….once you leave your room.

Want to see something truly beautiful? Even more beautiful than what you can Google on the internet or see out your window? You have to leave your space.

Want to laugh unexpectedly? Once you leave your box, something will happen that makes you crack up.

Just getting out of the place you confine yourself to, that you are comfortable with, is all it takes to get what you want. You don’t have to go after it, you don’t have to jump 50 hurdles to get it, all you need to do is get out!

Go to the park. Find a place to see the sunset. Walk to the grocery store. Don’t worry about how you dress, what you carry, or if you wear any shoes. Just leave.

###

This post was inspired by the experience I just had. I’ve been in my apartment all day (got off work early) and wasn’t planning on leaving it. I was comfortable, I was safe with my books, my notepads, sticky notes, pens and laptop. I was content, even happy with the breeze and the sound of the water (how could I not be?). Then I decided to do something off Michelle Welsch’s Manual For Daily Adventure. I got up, grabbed a favorite book (Keri Smith’s How To Be An Explorer Of The World) and went to the park. The following things are what I got to experience because I left my apartment.

  • See a runner giving it her all.
  • Laugh and shake my head after watching two black basketball players almost get in a fight and one repeating to the other “you’re not gangsta!”
  • Three girls checking me out.
  • Laugh at a women on the phone only talking about getting drunk, hammered, plastered. Quote: “We will get drunk Sunday, that’s what labor day is for”
  • Pinpointed where an odd noise I kept hearing was coming from to a woman practicing opera.
  • Felt soft grass.
  • Got to observe more things, people, animals, sounds, sights, etc., than I would have in my apartment.
  • On my way back, had a good conversation with the three girls. If they didn’t smoke, I would have asked one for her number. Oh well.
  • Got to feel the ground. (Went barefoot)

That list sure beats the hell out of a list of what I would have experienced if I stayed in my apartment. The same goes for your cubicle at work, your comfort zone at school, your chair in the meeting room, your spot on the bus, your way you walk to work, your seat in class, and any “square” that you feel comfortable in.

 

Stay Positive & Experience Life

Garth E. Beyer