Assistance

You Can’t Help Them (Don’t Try To)

Garth Beyer

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Many of you who read my stories each day align with all that I have written about helping others, asking for help, and accepting help.

These bits of helping advice will save you in the long run. What will save you more, though, is accepting that you can’t and shouldn’t help those who don’t want to be helped.

It will always put you in a rough spot, aggravated and frustrated.

The rejection of help is the single most forgotten form of rejection. When you try to help someone else because they aren’t doing something right, or you can see that they are struggling, or they missed something crucial that you want to help by pointing out, you are asking to be disappointed.

Not only are you better off going back to doing what you were doing and focusing on yourself when you feel the urge to help someone who is resistant to your offers of assistance, but they are better off too. They are on their own path of learning. Having you trying to enter that path simply adds to their challenge.

When someone wants to do something themselves and they reject your offer to help, leave them to it.

Observe and learn from what they are doing on their own.

There won’t always be someone to offer you help.

 

Stay Positive & Best To Know How To Do It By Yourself, Just In Case

Garth E. Beyer

Photo credit: As for the photo here: it's just a gentle reminder that while you may have had your assistance rejected, you can still make them happy through other means

The Question Of Who To Help

Garth Beyer

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A lot of mentors and even people you pass on the street have a goal to help as many people as possible. Is this right?

We’ve seen what mass production does – it kills the personal touch, the emotional labor, and devalues the process and product. Would it be better to help the smaller pool of people who truly want to be helped than forcing our assistance on people who don’t?

I can’t help but think back to one of George Carlin’s skits. He gets told to “have a nice day” so often that for once he just wants to be miserable, he doesn’t want to have a nice day, he’s had too many in a row, he wants someone else to have a nice day. Think about it.

Not everyone wants to be helped, some are content, some want to help themselves, and then you have those that are trying to help as many other people too and then you bump heads with them.

I can picture it now “help me help you helping me to help you help me, so long as I can help myself help you help you.”

I’d rather just have a miserable day than try to sort that out. That’s why you don’t see a bus driving off its route asking passengers to board who don’t, want, wish, or need to go anywhere.

That’s why I write for those who are searching for a bit of help and I sure as heck don’t go putting people in the position to need my help. No. Here when you need me.

The only responsibility we have is to show others that we’re here.

 

Stay Positive & “Have A Nice Day” Is Too Cliche’

Garth E. Beyer

Photo credit

A Not So Gentle Reminder

Garth Beyer

Those who care most about you, don’t care whether you ask for their help, assistance, input, opinion, or need. What I know is that you, I, and most people forget that 99% of the time, the people who care about us are more happy to help us than we ever are being helped.

The two most used reasons you never ask for help:

1. You don’t want to be looked down upon by possibly asking too much.

2. You forget that there are people all around you caring, willing to help.

To the first, realize that you would only ever ask something from someone who cares about you. No one asks someone who doesn’t care about them for something. (If they do, it always goes ignored. The same result as not asking at all.) Then think of all the people that care about you. Don’t measure it. Don’t categorize them by the degree in which they care about you. Don’t group them into those who really care about you because they are family or who don’t care too much because they are just friends. No. The miraculous light that rarely gets shined on the idea of asking for help from those who care about you is that no matter how much they care, they will all be willing to do the same thing for you. Yes, it may take a bit more persuasion and communication of the benefit, but they always will. I could ask my friend that I haven’t seen in years to loan me a grand to fix up my car or I could ask my close uncle. Same result.

To the second: now is when the not so gentle reminder comes in. If you forget that there are people all around you that care about you, it’s not their fault for not showing it. No. It’s your fault for not making it so that they are happy to show they care. It’s your fault for not making them feel good about caring about you. This is where the give-and-take of the world originates. If I ask my friend, who cares about me, to loan me a grand to fix up my car, and I blow $800 at a casino, do you think my friend is going to boast about helping me when I blew most of the money away?

To ask for help is to not only tell yourself, but the person who is helping you too, that you will make them happy that they helped, happy that they cared, and happy that it was all worth it.

The most interesting aspect to asking for help is that it’s one of the strongest paths to growth. Asking for help is far from selfish because in order to reap the benefits, you have to think of yourself and the person helping you. And when you do that, it creates a ripple effect around both of you.

 

Stay Positive & Test It For Yourself, Find Who You Can Help

Garth E. Beyer

Are You Ready To Jump?

Garth Beyer

Go ahead. Do it. Jump.

But let me talk to you on your way down, let me connect with you, and share with you what you need to hear. My methods are like giving you doses of Redbull. However, I don’t give you wings. I show you that you already have them.

 

Stay Positive & Always Here To Help

Garth E. Beyer