Love

My Antonia

Garth Beyer

Unlike my typical book regurgitations, and because I would think there is only a 50% chance that you are an avid reader of literature, I will summarize My Antonia with only six lines from the entire book.

“At any rate, that is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great.” (21)

“Optima dies . . . prima fugit.” (208) – The best days are the first to flee.

“Primus ego in patriam mecum . . . deducam Musas” (208) – For I shall be the first, if I live, to bring the Muse into my country.

“It makes them feel important to think they’re in love with somebody.” (228)

“Lena gave her heart away when she felt like it, but she kept her head for her business and had got on in the world.” (234)

“And I don’t mind work a bit, if I don’t have to put up with sadness.” (267)

I also think it’s worth to credit Willa Cather with a quote from her other book O’ Pioneers!  “I have a feeling that if you go away, you will not come back. Something will happen to one of us, or to both. People have to snatch at happiness when they can, in this world. It is always easier to lose than to find. What I have is yours, if you care enough about me to take it” (Part II: XII)

 

Stay Positive & Finding These Quotes Is Why I Read (well … one reason at least)

Garth E. Beyer

Here is the essay I wrote to go with this book. MyAntoniaproject

A Lot About Women And Love

Garth Beyer

Yes, it’s that kind of post. A trend I see with famous writers and thinkers is that their thoughts on love, women, and relationships never get brought to light until they are dead. (The people themselves, not their relationships. Well, those too I suppose)

Note: This post is not going to be the typical inverted pyramid style. The small stuff will grow into the deep stuff. Ready?

 

“Ethics is just a word made up by women” – Co-worker I’m starting to keep notes of all the one liners he says. Maybe I’ll write a book from them someday.

 

Beauty: When you first meet, you either see it right away or she slowly opens your eyes to it. The way in which it happens is not the matter. The matter is that every woman, once their beauty is seen by another, must perform upkeep. While she may think her beauty lies in makeup and moisturizer, it really is a result of the relationships she maintains with another. Once severed, she does not become ugly, hideous, grotesque. Her beauty disappears, becomes void, incoherent. When it comes to a woman’s beauty, it is there or it is not, nothing replaces it. Beauty is impermanent.

 

A woman who loves knows everything, a woman who doesn’t is clueless to everything, including herself.

 

I get a hard time, mainly from myself, about not finishing puzzles. I always match two pieces and call it finished. My views on life and puzzles is that there can be 500 pieces or more than 7 billion pieces, but all it takes is two that connect to make it worth it.

 

I made you responsible for my happiness, not only that. I made it hard for you. I lost myself. I forgot I create my own happiness and that is what makes you most happy and vice verse. Being there, sharing experiences, giving support, having fun, that is a relationship, that is love. I respect our differences in our way of living and dreaming and I’m loving the process of growing into everything love means.” – an excerpt from the journal of a guy whose relationship ended three days later.

 

If your arm is not around her when you introduce her to anyone, it’s unlikely love.

 

When it comes to love, always dream more than you can. The tragedy of a perfect relationship is that once success is met, it doesn’t matter. Once you are living with your partner, are financially sound, are entertaining each other on a regular basis, once you feel that it’s perfect, none of it matters. You got to where you wanted to go and once you do that, you decline, everyone does. (Aside from those who feel stuck, which is a fair amount, but being stuck is just another type of decline). So dream HUGE about the relationship you will nurture, make it an impossible goal; when you tell someone your plans, they better be in disbelief, they better tell you it’s impossible, they better expect you to fail. You better fail! The point isn’t to succeed, it’s to have a goal of a successful relationship so high that you will never reach it. But you will try because that is how love manifests.

 

The best memories hurt the most.

 

The Impermanence of Love

“What is a plan?”

“Gods have a plan

but animals don’t”

“What happens when a God has a plan and animals don’t?”

“It’s magnificent – the love that wont happen ’til the God ceases to be.

See – you can pray for love, but it doesn’t change a thing”

“What does the animal see”

“Nothing…

Nothing changes, only deteriorates

and that’s not change, change is too late”

“What is change?”

“Do you know of sacrifice? it is very strange,

It is when you want to give up a piece of your heart

to gain a piece of life with another.

Change succeeds sacrifice”

“Do you think me a God or animal?”

“Neither.

I’ve been a God

and done as an animal – sacrificed everything for another.

I once thought as you may,

that you become more of what you sacrifice. –

It is not true.”

“What are you?”

“Non-existent.”

 

Humans are passionate, but inconsistent.

 

A stable relationship can be judged as such when there is a balance between the number of times you open the car door for your lady and the number of times that you let her do it herself.

 

Never say to a woman that you are letting her do something. It can even be in the most considerate way such as, “I’m letting you have your space.” Think about it. Really think about it right now because every woman reading this is smiling in agreement at the truth of this. Never say you are letting them.

 

When people are using their phones and iPods, are they unavailable? I’d say the iPod is the new promise ring. You may hit on someone that’s wearing a ring, but you don’t say a word to someone with their ear buds in. Is this what the world has come to?

 

Why I don’t approve of homosexuality with women: Quite plainly, they decrease the chance of a guy finding the girl of his dreams. When a girl is lesbian, that is one less girl in the world the guy has a chance with. The world is hard enough for men to find a good woman, and now they go off and enter relationships with other women leaving the guy less of a chance.

Now you may think, well, why doesn’t the guy become gay as well? Don’t the gay guys balance out the gay girls?

Why I don’t approve of homosexuality with men: Most gay guys aren’t just gay, they are super gay, and can you guess who likes super gay guys (beside other gay guys?) Girls. And not just any girls, typically the gorgeous ones. They cling to their gay boys like their prized possession and protector. Gay guys make it so girls don’t feel the need to have a real man and that decreases a guys chances even further to finding the right girl.

 

Life is so much about competition as it is, and of course, Love, the only reason worth living, is the toughest competition of all.

 

Why is it only girls that we see often can we have a chance with? Why is society built so that if I see someone I can’t just introduce myself and see if we have anything in common? We make love so difficult. My imaginary world would be a place in which you can go and talk to any girl and it’s normal. If that was the case, there still isn’t a promise you would find love quicker. The chances of finding someone that you spark something with right away is somewhere around 2% I would imagine. Although, you would make more friends but more friends doesn’t make it more likely to turn a friendship into a relationship because you know that there are so many other girls out there you can talk to and hopefully spark something with right away. So, this general acceptance in society to make starting conversations with strangers doesn’t really make finding love easier, it simply makes finding love more of an experience. What do you think?

 

Stay Positive & Heck, In Love You’re Doomed, But Best To Make Your Journey To Damnation As Near To Cloud Nine As Possible

Garth E. Beyer

Quadruple Book Regurgitation

Garth Beyer

Following my breakup with girlfriend, I have decided to streamline my goals to accomplishments. At the beginning of 2012 I had decided that I wanted to read 25 books before the end of the year and last night, or this morning – I don’t recall what time it was – I completed that goal.

In the last week I have read four books that I would now like to regurgitate for you. However, unlike past book regurgitations, these will be more similar to reviews, as I did not highlight or pull out too many examples to share.

Ironically, during pre- and post- breakup I was reading The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz.

I firmly believe that this book should be read by every adolescent of love. I would define an adolescent of love as anyone who has not read the book. This makes it very black and white as to who I think needs to pick it up. Did this book help me save the relationship? Obviously not. Could it have if I read it earlier, yes, but everything happens for a reason. (And that reason is usually based on the fall of three aspects, which you can read more about in my Twelve Pillars regurgitation toward the end of this post).

While you may solely believe that the book is supposed to help you master love, develop an honest and stable relationship and build a stronger chemical bond between you and your partner, you have correctly assumed only half of it. Reading this book during the break-up assisted me in making realizations and accepting them. The key to it though is not necessarily the eye-openers or realizations, they come naturally if you remain objective. However, if I had to simplify it for you, love is about acceptance.

In short, no matter when, where, or why you would pick this book up, you are going to feel that it was written for you, just you, at just the perfect time. Love is all there is, better to learn how to master (accept) now than later.

1-5 with 5 being read it right now, I will give it a 4.5

—

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield

This book was on my 50+ book list to read and to be straightforward (when am I ever not?), I got exhausted from reading all of the references to this book, all of the reviews and people suggesting others like me, to read it. As a writer, the more I know about the Resistance the better and who better to learn from than the one who put a title (the Resistance) to what prevents us from being creative.

After reading it in nearly one sitting, I was disappointed. Not in the sense of how it was written, or the advice in it, actually, the book is perfect but…

It’s perfect for someone who doesn’t know about the Resistance yet. For me, I’ve been aware of it, dancing with it and fighting with it for a fear few years now. As I set the book down, I really do believe that it should only be read by anyone who either has no clue about the Resistance or who is just starting to learn what being creative really entails.

If a blank mind opens the book, it will be taking in the knowledge Pressfield presents quicker than the desert floor absorbs a bit of rain, and craving more all the same.

While most of what Pressfield shares is only a reminder to me, there are certainly a few actions I will take as a result of reading it. One specifically is in response to reading the chapter “The Definition of a Hack”.

“I learned this from Robert McKee. A hack, he says, is a writer who second-guesses his audience. When the hack sits down to work, he doesn’t ask himself what’s in his own heart. He asks what the market is looking for.” (pg 152)

For quite some time I have been eliminating multiple sentences and sometimes entire paragraphs, rewriting portions that I think are too personal or that the reader wont give a damn about, excluding swear words and even holding back a bit of my real potential. Possibly more times than not, I’ve been a hack.

Rest assured, that phase is over thanks to reading The War of Art.

1-5 with 5 being read it right now, I will give it a 5 if you don’t know what the Resistance is, a 1.5 if you do

—

These next two books are ones that came with the Success book package I purchased last November to jump-start my pursuit for just that, success.

An aside about reading Success books: You don’t need 20 of them. You probably don’t even need 10. A strong handful will do since they regularly repeat themselves in different forms. Also, you can purchase huge packages of 20-30 books on Success but what I have learned is that when you make and devote time to reading on personal growth, you have less and less time to continue doing so. Why? Because you are putting thoughts into action, advice into results and lessons into experience. By the time you begin going through your whole list of personal growth/ success books, you will have already changed your life so much that you are living the life you read about.

My immediate reaction upon reading and resting The Seasons of Life by Jim Rohn on my side table was that it’s a book that should be read in the Winter. It is a highly motivating take on the cycle of personal growth and from experience, most people are already feeling the height of their life during Spring/Summer. The Seasons of Life is not set to make where you are standing now even better, it is to give you a deep understanding of why you are standing where you are at this moment and advice on how to control where you will be standing one season, two seasons or three seasons from now.

Something I really enjoyed about the book was that it did not overdo it with the seasonal/nature analogy. There was a depth of optimistic realism – yes, that may be an oxymoron – that enables you to relate your life to that of trees, flowers, leaves, or the seasons themselves.

We all know that in the Spring we are often times ecstatic, in the Summer we are happy and content, in the Fall we are at peace but at Winter we are depressed. Reading The Seasons of Life does not present to you a way for balance or consistent happiness, but a mind-set and strategy to make the absolute most of every season.

1-5 with 5 being read it right now, I will give it a 2.5 and suggest again to read it during Winter

—

The next book in my “success series” we can call it, was Twelve Pillars by Jim Rohn and co-author Chris Widener

They took a fictional approach on telling the Twelve Pillars of success. It felt real in the sense that we all wish it would happen to us, so there is an instant connection between reader and protagonist. Speaking of it being fiction,  it was slightly predictable, at least the plot twists were but nevertheless the foresight did not degrade the story in any way.

There is truly a plethora of incredible quotes. For example,

“‘That’s great,’ Charlie said. ‘I am so glad for you. You will have to keep me posted as it progresses. Just remember that once a flower blooms, it still needs water and sun to keep it from wilting. The work isn’t over when the color comes out.”

The Twelve Pillars:

  • A Chance Encounter (Personal Development)
  • Live a Life of Health
  • The Gift of Relationships
  • Achieve Your Goals
  • The Proper Use of Time
  • Surround Yourself with the Best People
  • Be a Lifelong Learner
  • All of Life Is Sales
  • Income Seldom Exceeds Personal Development
  • All Communication Brings the Common Ground of Understanding
  • The World Can Always Use One More Great Leader
  • Leave a Legacy

Overall, Twelve Pillars was an entertaining read that allows you to put each pillar into action in your own life at the end of each chapter.

1-5 with 5 being read it right now, I will give it a 3.5

– As stated with the first book regurgitation on The Mastery of Love, I will now go into a quick insight about love/relationships from a combination of these two books, plus experience. Building a relationship is based on three factors: time, effort and imagination. HT to Jim Rohn, but I think I’ve taken it a step further than that.

Time can be based on quantity or quality, but in the real world, “time” is more “timing” than anything. It’s about spontaneity and creating the perfect moment.

Effort can be dwindled down completely to compliments. Women do not receive enough of them and once you begin to put in the effort, you will realize just how many they deserve.

Imagination is doing something fun, weird, and different together. It’s about getting her to think about the crazy things she has always wanted to do but never has and doing them! Dates, dinners and distractions have their place in a relationship but nothing will make a girl more happy than to do the oddball things she has always questioned about life.

Let me know any of your responses to my thoughts or your thoughts on the books in the comments section and keep coming back for more book regurgitations. After all, I have more time to read now. Is that an up side?

Stay Positive & Genuine

Garth E. Beyer

Train Wrecks, Finding Yourself & Life

Garth Beyer

Life can be really freaking incredible.

Life is made up of a trillion train tracks and it’s all about finding your train, or the one that best suits you – after all, most people don’t find themselves, they find something safe to settle with – and then they just go right along. It’s a ride and they certainly don’t conduct it.

Then people wait, they wait for a train wreck that forces them to go back out and search for their train. Some try and repair the one they were on, others take the closest one to the wreckage, a few never get on a train again, and -what I have never believed until recently- rarely, very rarely a train actually comes to you.

Bare with me as I carry on the analogy…

It’s as if the train already had you on it, and it was searching for your body. Your body never knew because it was riding a train, a safe train, with little fear and a lot of false security. (Clearly it was false security because you just got in a train wreck!)

So. Very rarely in life, a train finds you and you forget about the train wreck because it never really happened. It may be a memory but that memory is not part of who you were because you were never there [remember, your “self” has always been on another train]

The most fascinating part about when you find yourself, or rather, when your self finds you, you don’t just get aboard.

You climb, you jump, you cuddle atop it, you make an imprint on it, you slip but don’t fall, it’s not a memory, it’s life.

And at that moment, when you reconnect with life -whether it’s alone or with someone else- you forget about your train wreck. As a reader, you forgot that this was all based on a train wreck, you were simply rolling with it. (Pardon the pun)

Having just been through one, I know you forgot it was based on a train wreck for two reasons.

1. (Obviously) Train wrecks suck. They crunch, they hurt, they burn, they crumble, they are painful. Who wants to focus on that? Who wants to invite a train wreck into their life for the possibility of finding themselves when they are already so comfortable, so safe.

2. (Not at all obvious and hard to agree with) What I just described that happens after a train wreck is exciting, it’s wonderful, it’s life. For most, it’s a dream and who doesn’t love a dream, especially one this great? So great that you keep it a dream, you ignore the fact I told you exactly how you can have it. That’s how you have gotten through all of your other troubles, you focused on dreams and they took your mind off it.

Your life is good, it’s average, it’s mediocre, it’s safe, and you’re okay with that. The dreams you have while on the train you are on now, are great. They are stimulating, an adventure, amazing and you’re okay with them staying so because they make you forget about your troubles, the dreams give you enough power to bear with the troubles.

But you can’t be okay with that, no one deserves to live like that. You have to wonder what sort of dreams you can have once you develop your own train wreck and find your self or at least lose the illusion you have long believed to be your self. The dreams you are having now are little, weak, and I will even say they are unworthy because you can dream so much larger.

Because you took that train wreck, made the most of it, and found your self, you are able to dream bigger, stronger, more powerful dreams. But you don’t need another train wreck to get those either. The train you found your self on takes you there because you’re finally the conductor, you are yourself, uncaring about safety, mediocrity, security or having things just be okay.

 

Stay Positive & To Find Your Self, Wreck A Thousand Times If You Have To

(you’ll likely end up loving trains a lot more than you do now. I sure do.)

Garth E. Beyer

 

 

Hurt Mind vs. Hurt Heart

Garth Beyer

The mind is slower to heal than the heart. That is why words can last a lifetime while a broken heart will only last until one finds another to fill in the creases with love. A heart can be mended, but words are everlasting and concrete. A heart eventually relieves itself from any scars, while words lay in the back of one’s head like a stagnant boulder undeterred by the ferocity of thoughts. When it comes to recovery, the heart is the quickest due to it’s strength.

The strength of the heart, however, is the source of all that is irremediable in the mind. The retorted saying of “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” only applies to words that are empty, vacant of the evil side of passion, the fiery side of the heart, the part that keeps you fighting in spite. Empty words are dull and create no infliction. The words that are backed by the darker side of the heart are the ones that are so sharp that they cut into the deepest parts of your memory, left there so you always remember.

It does one well to make the heart and the mind a reflection of one another. That way the heart is invincible and the mind pure – for one cannot live vigorously while the other is withering away.

 

Stay Positive & Minds And Hearts Grow Most Where There Is Love

Garth E. Beyer

A Conviction For Freedom

Garth Beyer

Forbidden love hovers over the City,
a pink cloud of cherry-kissed sunshine
warming faces who dare glance up
setting themselves free of doom, gloom
dictated lives
lived in dismal corners.

 The speaker of this poem clearly understands that dictated lives carried out in fear make people live in a very dark place, a place absent of happiness, love, sunshine and positivity.

I believe freedom is essential to our lives, it may even be the key to happiness, and is surely the shortcut to success for any individual willing to take the risk for freedom.  But what is freedom? Freedom is the ability to give your love to anything. The ability to see shapes in the clouds and notice the underside of leaves in the wind. The realization of your chance to not be anyone else but yourself. Freedom is the act of becoming more of your self. It is a flexible mind and a heart that never sleeps. Although, to our own demise, there are three things in life holding us back from entering a state of freedom: Traditions, fear, and love. All play large roles holding us back  in our individual paths to sovereignty.

Traditions: They dictate the majority of young people and encompass completely the lives of the elderly. Such as the live to work ethic, ones father worked to live, so he expects that to be passed down his generation. Families seem to force their children into taking their traditions and their lives instead of creating their own path. The other form of the live to work ethic is when ones parents force the life you should live based off the lessons they have learned. In reality, this action is only 5% beneficial because it is vital to take knowledge from those who have more experience but not when it revokes ones ability to choose. The third type of tradition that plays a harsh role in the containment of freedom is religious traditions. They create strict guidelines for the supposedly “proper way of living” which, ironically, are also passed down from parents. It seems that every form of so-called “togetherness” has been in place to force upon traditions that are destroying art, soul, peace and happiness.

Fear: We grow up fearing things, resenting them, avoiding opportunities, avoiding people, and social events. We lose sight of life and at times missing out on it completely. Although it is a long thought on subject, fear often shuts the brain down, turns your shoulder to the best in life and makes you forget why your heart is beating. Everything in life that you do, think, and say, can be narrowed down to either love or fear. Of course, you know which is more common – nearly everything you do is derived from fear. Think about it the next time you do anything in the middle of the day. Ask yourself why you are doing it and continue asking why until you either end up saying that you love it or that you fear something else. After doing this, you will then have a new goal and challenge in life – more love, less fear.

Love: There is a lack of love in everything we do and to who we hold dear. It’s clear by now that it is love that will give you freedom and with freedom, you will be brought happiness through every experience and interaction in life. However, it takes a special minded person to find love in their job and even a more special minded person to find a job they love. Unless you can overcome tradition and fear, you will never find your passion or your freedom. The other form of love that is lacking is the love we have for one another. For example, I was in Barnes & Noble one evening during the winter season. While searching for a book, I heard a mother tell a child to wear his jacket as they were about to leave. The young boy, probably the age of 5 or 6, said he did not want to wear it. “Put your jacket on!” the mother had screamed at him. After further yelling, she forced it on him. There are two options of love and care she could have taken rather than expressing all the negative emotion and resentment towards her son. First, she could have helped the kid into his jacket or could have told him to wear it just until they got to the car. She could have given him options to choose from and build his decision-making skills. The other option was to let a kid be a kid; young and free-spirited. If he doesn’t want to wear it then let him experience the cold. Once he is cold enough he will try to put it on and he will be successful. Of course, this way you will laugh at him because it is inside out and then help him. Isn’t that a greater experience then to just yell at him and chastise him for not doing it right? Pity. The world is deprived of unconditional love, in family, in work and in our selves.

Releasing oneself from tradition, letting go of fear, and creating a flow of unconditional love is the set course for true freedom, and takes us one step closer to world happiness.

 

Stay Positive & Ah Kuta Matata

Garth E. Beyer

To read the full poem of “Breaking Tradition”, click here

.

It’s Better To Love and Not Know It

Garth Beyer

It’s a terrible tragedy when you realize that you love something. So don’t. (This excludes people).

Excludes people? Yea, when you recognize that you love something, you doubt you deserve it and begin searching for its faults.

Maybe that is why you loved your job at first and then you began liking it less and less. Onto the next one,

you find the learning experience of a new job amazing. I sure do, I am sure we all do, it’s in our nature. We love learning new things, love challenges, love accomplishments and that is exactly what new jobs offer. THEN we reach the level of “love”. This level is right around the point that we know enough to rock out a day at work, but we still don’t know enough to not ask any questions. But this bliss is momentary because it is at this time when we realize that we love our jobs.

Something begins badgering our brains and tugging our hearts. I call it “doubt”, doubt that you deserve what you are getting. Doubt that you deserve to love your job. Why we immediately begin doubting why we deserve something so great? I do not know. I do know that when we begin to doubt, we look for our/the jobs faults.

We begin to nitpick and find anything to use as a reason to not love our job. And from there, it is all downhill. When we get in the mindset of looking for faults and surrounding ourselves with negativity, the only way is down.

And until we can truly accept that we deserve the best and we deserve to love our jobs, we are all better off making sure that we do not realize that we love our job in the first place.

 

Stay Positive and Ignorant, For It Is Bliss

Garth E. Beyer